Five Years
by Northern One
Summary: She’d been dreading this day for a while now; five years actually. Five years of preparation for the day she knew would change his life. Five years to put together a good enough reason as to why she didn’t tell him about the pregnancy.
1. Chapter 1

**Five Years  
**

Chapter One:

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own anything mentioned in the following fanfiction, except for the character of Penelope Richmond. She is of my own design.

* * *

The phone rang loudly in her ear, the headset she had in silencing the phone to the rest of the house. Her eyes immediately went to the nearest clock, slowly picking up the phone beside her as she realized what time it was. _Who the hell would be calling this late?_

"Hello?"

"Penny! Guess whose back on-planet?"

She froze, the red pen in her hand hovering over a report that was sitting in front of her, poised to fix a grammatical mistake. She'd recognize that voice anywhere.

"James?" she asked incredulously, feeling the hurricane of emotions she knew this day would bring begin to form deep within her chest.

"Of course! Who else would be calling you at one in the morning on a school night. Okay so, what are you up to? I was thinking we could go out, you know, paint the town red like we used to"

"I'd love to Jim but I'm just climbing into bed right now, I had a really long day" she lied, circling the error on the page and then continuing to read the paper, yawning dramatically for effect.

"Liar. I can see you through your kitchen window"

She closed her eyes and cursed to herself, looking up and through the kitchen window to her right and immediately seeing his smiling, waving form. Upon seeing the real him for the first time in five years, the hurricane grew stronger. She saw a variation of him every day, but somehow, the real him just triggered something in her. Something she'd grown accustom not to feeling.

She hung up the phone and chucked it on the sofa beside her, rising from her desk and moving over to her side door. She unlocked it and opened it slowly, keeping one hand against the door while the other was against the fridge beside her.

"I've had people arrested for less than what you're doing" she called to him as he hung up his phone, climbing out the bushes he'd been standing in, tripping on his way out.

"Haven't you heard? Captain's don't get sent to jail" he said as he started up the stone path to her door, stopping maybe two feet shy of it. They stood like that for a few seconds, Penelope's temperature rising as she watched his eyes rake themselves up and down her body.

"Penelope Vivienne Richmond...my god, you haven't changed a bit" he said as he surveyed her with the same set of stunning, crystal clear blue eyes she saw on a daily basis. She turned her own murky brown eyes away from his and blushed, a little embarrassed by the way he was looking at her. He hadn't looked at her that way in a while. Five years, to be exact.

"James Tiberius Kirk... what the hell are you doing here?" she asked, addressing him by first name as well as she ran a hand through her long dark hair, moving away from the doorway but leaving it open so he could come in.

"Enterprise is docked up at Federation HQ for repairs. Crew's grounded here for the next few weeks" he said as he shut the door behind her, Penelope internally cringing as the sound of the door swinging shut echoed throughout the house.

"When'd you get back?" she asked, pulling out two mugs from a cupboard and setting them down quietly on her countertop, pulling her coffee pot off of its pedestal and filling the two mugs accordingly. She then pulled her sugar bowl out from cupboard and pulled a teaspoon from the drawer in front of her quietly, minding the sounds she was making. She deposited half a teaspoon of the sweetener in one mug and several heaping spoonfuls into the other, Penelope finding herself unable to forget anything about him, even remembering the way he drank his coffee. _Blacker than space and sweeter than a pretty girl's lips._

"Today actually. Touched down about two hours ago" he said as he waited for her by the door, Penelope turning around eventually to hand him a mug. He smiled and took a little sip, grinning to her as he tasted the sugar.

"And the first thing you do is come visit me. Why, don't I feel special" she replied back with a sarcasm only he seemed to draw out of her. He chuckled appreciatively and followed her into her living room, Penelope curling up on a solo lounge chair as James threw him across her three person seater directly across from her. He laid back into it comfortably, looking immediately as if he'd lived here his entire life.

"So how you been Pen. Man, it's been a while. What's it been, four years?" he asked, chuckling to himself as he sipped heavily from his mug.

"Five" she replied in correction, taking a dainty sip of her own. It didn't take much thought. She saw the byproduct of the last time they'd seen each other everyday.

As they sat there in the one am silence, she became all too aware of her surroundings; the crayons, the model star ships, the pictures. She'd been dreading this day for a while now, five years actually, and as they continued to sit there with the evidence in plain sight, the hurricane brewing in her grew stronger.

"How's she doing anyways?" Penelope asked, knowing she wouldn't have to clarify what 'she' she meant.

"She's good. We just had a little run in with some Klingons in the Gamma system which is odd, since that's Federation space but, she took some damage so we brought her in" he explained, Penelope nodding once as yet another silence set in.

"You still teaching at the Academy?" he asked eventually, sitting up this time to face her.

"Yeah, theoretical physics and transport technology. It's going pretty well, I really like teaching" she commented, giving him a faint smile in response to the knowing smirk he was giving her.

"You belong on a ship, Pen. Actually, you belong on my ship"

She laughed quietly, knowing she had to keep her voice down, but laughed none the less.

"I did my time on the Enterprise just like you did James, but that life was never for me. I like being here on Earth and I like teaching. Besides, it's really not that easy to just uproot your life like you did. I have responsibilities here. Commitments"

He chuckled at this lowly, rubbing the back of his head with his hand as he looked away, a genuine smile on his face.

"No on onboard calls me James. I miss that" he said with the obvious sincerity she knew he was capable of but so few other did.

"You'll always be James to me, no matter how many times you introduce yourself as Captain or Jim" she commented, turning her head to the side and resting it in her hand.

They sat like that for a while, drinking in the changes five years brought. He'd cut his hair recently, wearing it shorter than he used to. He was stockier than when she'd last seen him, stronger. He'd traded in his previous air of arrogance and ignorance for one of wisdom and knowing. He still had the same eyes and smile he'd always had; the same eyes and smile that still managed to take her breath away.

He finally looked away, gesturing to a nearby kiddie table covered in toys and crayons with his head.

"What's with all the kid's stuff, Pen? You babysitting?" he asked, Penelope laughing ironically while James just laughed.

"That's one way of putting it" she said under her breath, alerting his attention anyways.

"What was that?" he asked, looking at her expectantly yet kindly.

She took a second to weigh her options. She knew he'd find out eventually, and he'd hold it against her if she lied to him now. It was one of James' defining characteristics; the boy hated liars, despite the fact that he himself could fib like a pro.

"I said no. No babysitting. I actually have a kid of my own" she said, letting it drop like an A-bomb.

A silence settled in between and she watched as he leant forward in the sofa slowly, the news settling in.

"Yo-you have a kid?" he asked eventually with drawn out words, careful not to stumble.

She nodded.

"What's it's name?"

"Jake"

"A boy?"

Another nod.

"How old is he?"

She sucked in a breath. Here was smoking gun number one.

"Four"

She watched his head cock ever so slightly to the side as he took this in, sitting back in the sofa as he let the information sink in.

"Wow. Pen...you have a son"

She chuckled, finishing it with a smile as she nodded to him again.

"I have a son"

"Do you have a picture of him somewhere?"

She gestured to the picture frame sitting on the corner table beside him, taking in another breath. This was smoking gun number two.

"Cute kid" he commented after a few seconds.

She chucked again, appreciating the irony. She shook her head and then sighed to herself, knowing that it was about time. Five years of preparation was spent for the moment that was lingering just seconds away, either from realization on his part or her just flat out telling him. The hurricane inside of her grew to category five as she watched his eyes scan over the image repeatedly.

"Funny you should say that" she commented out loud, setting down her mug as she sat up straight in her seat.

"There's something you should know James" she said, drawing his attention away from the picture.

She could see it in his face by the time he finally looked at her that he already knew. He wasn't stupid, and the picture he was holding in his hands could have been one of his own child photographs. To this day, she still remained astounded by how much Jake looked like him. There were some days where she even doubted whether or not she was his mother.

Then she remembered the nine lonely months she spent nurturing him in her womb and the twenty wretched hours spent in labour. Jake was definitely her's alright, even if he looked almost exactly like his father.

"I'd hoped we'd never have to have this conversation, or if we did, it'd be when he was older. Old enough to understand" she began, reciting the speech she'd perfected years ago out loud.

"Penelope..." he started, her voice cutting him off as she continued.

"I know with your job it's unfair for me to expect anything from you and I want you to know I don't resent you for it. You are doing an incredible thing with the Federation and I would be a coward if I asked you to step away from that. That's why I've never told you about him" she continued, her eyes watching as Kirk's head cocked further to the side, realization setting him.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is...Jake is your son, James. I had a paternity test done after I gave birth with an old toothbrush of yours and the doctor's confirmed it" she said, taking a breath.

"He's definitely your child"

**((Author's Note: I've had this idea kicking around in my head for a while now so I decided to put it down on paper. Let me know what you think and if I get enough response, I'll continue it. Further explaination and details such as how they know eachother, what happened, will be given in the next chapter if I decide to update. Anyways, just lemme know what you think and if you like it, okay? Thanks!))**


	2. Chapter 2

**Five Years  
**

Chapter Two

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own anything mentioned in the following fanfiction, except for the character of Penelope Richmond. She is of my own design.

* * *

"This is a joke, right?"

"James, please, just listen—"

"Just please tell me this is a joke. How do I have a son and not know about it?" he shouted, raising his voice and his body as he rose from the couch, his face painted with confusion, anger and disbelief all at the same time. She'd never seen him look this angry before and at the same time so confused. She watched him look back at the photo still in his hand, his hands shaking slightly.

"James. I promise I'll explain everything but I just need you to be quiet or else you'll wake Jake" she said in a hushed tone, standing up and out of her chair as she looked at him warningly, her eyes threatening. Her temperature was beginning to rise now. It was bad enough that she had to deal with him being back but she wouldn't stand for him disrupting her life anymore than he already had.

"Oh, of course I need to be quiet, because I might wake up my son!" he shouted again, his face and tone still a mess of emotion. She rounded around the coffee table separating them and started pushing him towards the door, pushing him all the way through it until she pulled it shut behind him.

"I know this is a lot to process, James—"

"A lot to process? Almost having your ship destroyed by Klingons is a lot to process Penelope, this is...this is..." he said, unable to finish his sentence as she could see by his face that he was at a loss for words. That and he called her Penelope. He never called her Penelope. He shook his head, turning away from her as he paced down the front porch and back again, his eyes on the picture still in his hands.

"How did this happen?" he said in a weak voice to her after a few minutes of heavy silence, looking up with such confusion in his eyes that it practically broke her heart.

"Well, we weren't exactly safe about it James. But then again I don't think either of us anticipated on having sex that night. We went out, celebrated you becoming the youngest Starfleet Captain and next thing you know, we'll rolling around naked in my bed" she explained in hopefully plain enough English that he'd understand. She leant against the door behind her, arms folded loosely over her chest as she watch James do another lap of her porch.

"And you weren't on the pill?" he asked finally, looking at her with the faintest traces of accusation which only made her temperature rise more.

"James, when in our eight year friendship was I ever having sex? You knew what my life was at the Academy, you knew that I never saw anyone, so don't give me this pill bullshit. I wasn't on it because I didn't need it. Which begs the question, where the hell was your condom that night?" she said, accusing him back. She watched him turn mechanically towards her and laugh, his tone robotic and cold.

"Oh come on. You're telling me that not once during your three years at the Academy you never got laid?" he scoffed at her, shaking his head again in scepticism.

"No! I didn't! You see, unlike you James, I don't have Captaincy in my blood. Things didn't come to me as naturally as they did to you. So I had to work damn hard at everything I did, and that didn't leave much time for relationships let alone sex" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up and grunting in frustration, running a hand through her wavy hair in an attempt to calm herself down.

"But before that, were you having sex. Before the Academy?" he demanded, standing closely in front of her now.

"Before the Academy, yeah. I was nineteen when I got recruited, you were twenty two. We were both having sex back then. But the difference is that I stopped needing birth control after I stopped having sex for over six months. You, however, never stopped having sex which begs the question again James, where was the condom" she said, laying it all out again for him in plain English.

She watched him silence in frustration, doing another few laps as his eyes locked themselves back on the photo, Penelope visualizing the way his brain must have been processing this new development. She knew the way he thought, the by product of being someone's best friend for three years, so she pretty much understood everything he was feeling.

Confusion as he tried to recall the beer and tequila fuzzy memories of that night five years ago.

Anger at her for not telling him sooner.

Disbelief at the fact that he had a son.

Guilt for never having been here for her.

Anxiety at the fact that he was now a father.

Worry for what she was going to expect of him.

And a very small part of him, or so she wanted to believe, was inexplicably thrilled by the fact that he now had someone to carry on his name. But that maybe just have been what she'd want him to feel.

"Look, we can sit here and play the blame game or we can just suck it up, realize that we both took part in the production of Jake and move on" she said eventually, tired from the late night and all this drama. She watched as he sat down on the porch veranda, picture still in his hands, eyes still trained on it.

"What's his full name?" he asked slowly, not bringing his eyes up to look at her. The cool night time California air produced a slight breeze, washing over them faintly and tickling her wind chime, producing a quiet harmonic sound.

"Jacob George Kirk"

He looked up now.

"You named him after my father?" he asked, both quietly and incredulously. His features had softened considerably, gazing at her now with such emotion that even she was slightly overwhelmed with it. She'd forgotten how big of a heart James had whenever he got around to showing it.

She nodded once, a faint smile coming to her lips as it drew out one on his.

"My dad wasn't really around much and I knew how much you looked up to your old man" she explained, moving over to her swinging porch bench as she sat down slowly. Another silence set in as she watched him look back down to the picture for what seemed like the infinite time, his expression still one full of emotion.

His next question was the one she'd been preparing herself for for the past five years.

"Why didn't you tell me, Pen?" he asked quietly, looking back up again.

She sucked in a breath and readied herself, knowing that this question would make or break their future as friends.

"Because I knew you'd come back. I knew that if you found out I was pregnant you'd relieve yourself as Captain of the Enterprise and I never wanted that for you. The Enterprise was and is your dream James. What kind of person, what kind of mother would I be if I asked you to step away from all that?" she asked, giving the answer she'd painstakingly put together after all the years alone.

"The kind who was pregnant with my child! What—wasn't it hard doing all of this on your own?" he exclaimed, standing up now and beginning to pace again.

"Hell yes! I went through nine months of pregnancy, twenty hours of labour, and the past four years all on my own. Raising him on my own was the hardest thing I've ever had to do James, but I wouldn't change a thing" she replied, giving him a wise look that he just ignored, still too worked up over everything to even notice.

"Why not? If you'd told me about him when you were pregnant I would have come back and helped you. You shouldn't have to have done this all on your own" he said to her bitterly, showing some of the guilt she knew he'd been feeling.

"James, you know me. I would have never asked you to come back and help. I know what being Captain means to you. The fact that you, for even a second, think that I would have asked you to step away from that hurts me, a lot" she said to him, conveying her feelings through her eyes so he knew exactly how she felt. She knew that they hadn't seen each other in a while but she knew he knew her better than that.

Ever since they'd met, the very first day of Orientation at the Academy eight years ago, they'd always had this psychic ability to convey things with their eyes, more than normal people could. They could have entire conversations just by looking at each other, a feat that has apparently worn off during the past five years.

"Pen, I didn't mean it that way. I just meant that...God, you shouldn't have had to raise him on your own"

"Maybe not. But neither of us planned for this, James. You were half a galaxy away when I found out. Not exactly the best circumstance to try and get a hold of your baby's child" she pointed out, once again looking at him expectantly. She knew the argument was won so she leant back, seeing in his face the first stages of acceptance.

"We have a son" he said in a low voice, looking up from the picture and at her with soft eyes.

"Yeah, we do" she noted, giving him a smile and a nod.

"What's he like?" he asked quietly after a few more seconds, his voice delicate. She could tell he was hesitant about asking this question, and she was hesitant answering it.

"He's a great kid. Smart, funny, caring, a little arrogant with some things but I think he takes after his father that way" she joked, withdrawing the first chuckle from him since the conversation started.

"What did you tell him about me? You know, when he started asking where his dad was and stuff?"

"I told him the truth. That his father is very, very brave man who's out there exploring the universe. I told him that the reason his dad was never home because he's too busy keeping us safe from the evil aliens" she said, withdrawing another chuckle. He set the picture down on the table beside him and then leant against the railing, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Does he know who I am?" he asked next.

"He's seen pictures of you. But does he know that you're Captain Kirk? No. But I'm sure that day is coming. There's only so long you can go with a name like Kirk and those blue eyes before someone puts two and two together" she reasoned, shrugging her shoulders once.

"How come you gave him my last name?"

"Because he's your child, just as much as he is mine. Besides, don't you remember that conversation we had during our first term at the Academy? You told me that if you were ever going to have a family you'd want a boy. Just one. We might not be a family but I figured this was the closest you were ever going to get with your job" she noted, once again shrugging her shoulders.

"You're probably right about that" he muttered, looking back down at his feet and then up.

"What am I suppose to do, Penny? I mean, this changes everything. I have a son now..." he started, once again getting up and pacing.

"You're going to have a relaxing two weeks here on Earth and then you're going to get back on the Enterprise and keep doing what you're doing, James. I didn't ask anything of you then and I'm not going to now" she said, rising from the bench and walking back towards the door, leaning back on it.

"I don't know if I can do that, Penny. I don't know if I can just leave after finding out about him. I saw how much my mom struggled to raise me by herself and I don't want that for you. And then there's the whole absent father thing. I grew up without a Dad and I do not want that for our son. Look how I turned out" he said, stopping in his tracks as he put his hands on his hips for a short while before starting to pace again

"What, you mean the youngest Starfleet Captain out there on one of the best ships the Federation has? Because if that's what children raised in single mom households become, you can leave now" she teased, taking more enjoyment in the situation than she should have. He threw her a dangerous look and she backed off, taking secret enjoyment by the fact that he'd just said 'our' son.

"That's just a job. I'm talking about me Pen. Life growing up would have been a lot easier if I'd had a dad around to kick my ass whenever it got out of line" he noted, stopping his pacing one again as he bent his head down and rubbed his eyes tiredly, his heading given a gentle shake.

"Look. Why don't you take a few days and process this, okay? There's no point in trying to figure all this out in one night at two in the morning" she said, going over and putting a gentle hand on his shoulder, keeping it there as he turned around to face her. She watched him look up from his feet and at her, nodding his head once before turning to go without even a word of good bye.

"Hey James?" she called after a few seconds, smiling at his retreating form as he turned to look at her.

"I'm really glad to see you" she said as he gave her a gentle smile in return, turning to head to bed as she tried to kill the butterflies in her stomach that just his smile still managed to arouse after five years of being gone.

**((Author's Note: So I got some really awesome response from the first chapter so I've decided to write another and see where it takes me. As some of you mentioned, this isn't the most original story line but I do have a lot of ideas that I'd like to see develop. Anyways, let me know your thoughts on this and we'll see where that takes me =] Please review, and thanks in advance))**


	3. Chapter 3

**Five Years  
**

Chapter Three

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own anything mentioned in the following fanfiction, except for the character of Penelope Richmond. She is of my own design.

* * *

She sat at her desk, her eyes staring at the word 'spaghettification' that was on the report in front of her, her mind light years from here. After he'd left last night in a ball of emotion, she'd gone back inside and tossed and turned all night until it was time for Jake to get ready to school. For the entire day so far, she went through her daily routine with the added bonus of having James on her mind the entire time. As if she didn't already have enough on her plate.

She knew deep down that she'd made the right decision not to tell him five years ago, so why was all this doubt coming to the surface now? She'd gone through her five stages of grief long ago, so why was she so unsure about her decision? She looked up from the word she'd been staring at for the past twenty minutes and sighed throwing down her red pen onto her desk and rubbing her eyes, tired from all of the unnecessary thinking she'd done today.

When she'd seen him yesterday standing outside her house, it was simultaneously her dream come true and her worst nightmare. She was inexplicably thrilled to see him again after a five year absence yet scared for his reaction to the news. She loved James with her entire heart, their three year friendship at the Academy bringing them closer and bonding them tighter than she'd ever imagined possible. For the three years they studied at the Academy, she found she learned more about him and things like his subtle quirks and ticks than she did about math or science. She would have done anything for the James she knew five years ago, and despite the fact that their relationship had changed greatly over the past few years, she knew that she'd still take a bullet for him if she had to.

In many ways, they had been your quintessential opposite sex best friends in college. He faked being her boyfriend whenever a sleazy guy hit on her and she bitched him out posing as a former lover whenever he wanted a girl to back off. She helped him pass Advanced Vector Calculus and he taught her how to throw a decent punch. She brought him home with her every Thanksgiving to spend it with her family and every Christmas he'd cut down a small pine tree and stick it in her dorm room. They were typical, even down to the most played out cliché; he went after anything with legs and a chest while she stood idly by, supporting him through it all while secretly harbouring feelings for him that she locked tightly away in an attempt to protect the sacredness of their friendship. It was girl and boy, best friends, despite the fact that girl was in love with boy and boy chased girls like it was his job. It was so played out that even she knew how classic their friendship was; she knew it back then and she still knew it now.

Whatever feelings she may have had for him five years ago, a child and five long years alone to think about things sure changed her perspective. Sure, she still really cared for James, but whatever romantic feelings she had for him and even some of her friendly love had dissipated since giving birth to Jake. She'd gone through her five stages of grief after finding out she was pregnant at twenty two and alone, and those five stages took quite a toll on whatever she felt for him.

She denied it at first, unable to process the fact that she was pregnant, none the less with James' child. She couldn't be pregnant, not at twenty two. She was too young. It was too much to process, especially because he wasn't around. _It was one time,_ she remembered thinking to herself. _One time at three in the morning with enough alcohol in our systems to blind a cow. _She denied it for the several weeks in fact, until she started showing and getting sick every morning. Then came anger, and this was when the bulk of her feelings for James turned sour.

She spent a significant amount of time on the anger stage. She hated him for the better part of her pregnancy, cutting him out of her life wherever possible. She threw away almost everything that reminded her of him, she cut his face out of some pictures. In short, she hated him. She hated him for never realizing just how much he meant to her. She hated him for being a playboy who slept with girls for the sport of it. She hated him for leaving and not staying like she did. She hated him for doing this to her; for getting her pregnant and making her a statistic at twenty two. But more than anything, she hated herself. She hated herself for letting herself become some notch on his bed post. That's what she hated most.

She blamed him for pretty much everything up until she gave birth. The morning sickness, the 3 AM cravings for pomegranates, the painful kicking. She blamed it all on him. He was the bad guy she needed to blame, and it worked out quite well since he was never around to counteract it. His absence made him the perfect scapegoat, and she'd never, ever forgotten that.

The bargaining stage was the shorted, spanning from the very first time she ever laid her eyes on Jake in the hospital to her forth night in a row spent awake at Jake's side in an attempt to stem the crying. During that time period, she remembered herself doing mental checks and balances in her head. During that week, she reckoned that if James could bring something so beautiful, so perfect, into her life, that maybe he wasn't that bad a guy. And if Jake was really as perfect and amazing as she thought he was, that everything was going to be okay. But after the forth night in a row with no sleep set in, the bargaining stage ended.

Depression came next, and lasted the second longest besides anger. Things started to get really hard when she realized she was on her own and raising a baby. She spent many nights crying in her room, trying to figure out why in the hell she ever thought she could raise Jake on her own. She was twenty three with a newborn, and no one had ever told her it was going to be this hard. She had no one to turn to for help; her parents were out of state in Maine across the country and she didn't have many friends on Earth because all of them were up in the night skies on ships. She was totally and utterly alone.

Jake was around five months old when she hit rock bottom. She still remember the night clear as day; one of her most vivid memories to date. Jake was up crying, the high pitched yell that seemed to penetrate your skull and drive needles into your cerebellum. She'd been up late for the past few days marking papers and tending to him and everything was just starting to pile up. She remembered cradling crying Jake in her arms, tears streaming down her own face as well as she researched adoption possibilities for mothers unable to tend to their children anymore. She played with the idea of giving Jake up for all of 5 nanoseconds before exiting the page and holding him to her chest, trying to find whatever little bits of strength she had left to get through this. She needed to do this, because she had to do it for Jake. He was her child and her responsibility and she loved him far too much to ever, ever give him away to someone else.

Acceptance was the last stage, and the one she welcomed the most. It hit once she began getting used to a routine with Jake; when things finally settled down. He slept through the night and took naps during the day, allowing her to get some work done. Things were levelling out and it was around this time that she realized that she was doing okay; she'd gotten through the worst part on her own and she was okay. Everything was going to be okay.

It was around that time she let go of all the hate she had for James. She realized that it was just as much her fault as it was his and it was unfair for her to have expected him to do anything unless she'd asked him to. She let it all go and accepted the fact that at twenty three she was a single mom working a quasi full time job and doing both jobs well (hopefully). She also accepted the fact that she now had the task of coming up with a viable reason as to why she didn't tell James about Jake when she found out, whenever he popped back into her life. She never, not once, ever doubted the fact that James would be back. Not once.

So as she sat at her desk that night, her eyes burning tiredly and her mind exhausted from reliving the past five years in less than twenty four hours, she couldn't help but realize just how much she'd changed in the past five years. She'd started it all a naive, arrogant, weak twenty two year old and now she was a wise, knowing, fiercely independent and tough twenty seven year with the world in the palm of her hand, or so to speak. She had a beautiful four year old son who was showing exceptional intellectual levels for his age and she'd just been promoted to Associate Dean of Theoretical Physics as the Academy, making her the youngest Dean ever to be appointed. Things were going really for her, which made it all the more frustrating to have James choose now to come back. The friend inside of her was thrilled to have him back, if only for two weeks, but the mother inside her cringed at his timing.

"Momma, are you okay?"

She looked up from her desk and over to where Jake was playing with his lego, laying her eyes on his beautiful face and instantly smiling. It was true; the resemblance between Jake and James was astounding, but they did have some differences. Jake did have James' trademark crystal clear blue eyes as charming grin, but he had Penelope's nose and her mahogany coloured hair. There weren't many, but there were some indications that he was indeed her child.

"Yeah baby boy, momma's fine" she sighed, rising from her seat and going over to sit beside him.

"Momma, I'm not a baby anymore. I'm four years old, remember?" he chided her, bringing out the Kirk arrogance that she just had to chuckle at. She put a hand on his head and ruffled his hair a bit, kissing the top of his head affectionately before leaning back.

"Yes Jake, I remember" she chuckled, glancing at the clock as she rose.

"You've got twenty more minutes of play time before we got to get you ready for bed, alright Mister?" she asked as she crossed over to the kitchen, chuckling once more at how much he was like her father.

"Can I do it by myself tonight, Momma?" he asked, looking around his shoulder to her with the silliest grin on his face, a grin that reminded her of Kirk.

"You're going to brush your teeth, wash your face and say your prayers? All on your own?" she asked with fake surprise, giving him a curious look. She watched him stand up and nod, his shoulders held high and his head tilted up.

"Yes I am!" he exclaimed, nodding his head up and down several times before returning back to his lego, Penelope chuckling as she poured herself some coffee, taking the next twenty minutes to just sit there and appreciate her son.

She was nervous about what James was going to say to her in a few days when he came back to see her. She knew he'd be back; James had never been the type to forget or disregard commitments. He'd be back in a day or so to talk it all over again after he'd had some time to think about it all. But she feared for what he was going to say; she could live with him saying that he did not want a part of Jake's life. It'd be saddening and disappointing for her to hear from him that he didn't want to get involved, but she knew she'd understand. It was the other option that she didn't know what she'd do to handle it; if James came back and asked to be a part of Jake's life, she didn't know what she'd do. Part of her would be thrilled that he was still as stand up a guy that she remembered him to be, but she didn't know how to explain to Jake that his dad was leaving in less than two weeks with no future trips back planned for the near future. She didn't know what would be better for Jake; having a father for two weeks or not having a father at all?

She thought about her options for the twenty minutes before the clock rung eight thirty, signalling Jake's bed time. She shooed him off into the bathroom and waited in his room for him, smiling as he came in ten minutes later dressed for bed and teeth brushed.

"Momma, when's Daddy going to come home?" he said as she tucked him, asking her the same question he asked ever since she told him about James and what he did. She sighed, pulling his covers up to his shoulders and then sitting by his bedside, brushing some of his hair out of his face.

"I don't know, sweetheart. But just remember, he's up in the sky keeping us all safe, fighting bad guys on his space ship. Your daddy is a hero, and don't you ever forget it. Okay?" she said, bending down and pressing her nose against his in an Eskimo kiss before rising, moving over to the light to shut it off. Despite the fact that James hadn't been around for the past few years, she never forgot how important his job was. He saw things everyday she only imagined of and fought battles that she'd never get out of. The Federation was important, which was her biggest motivation for not telling him about Jake. Although he was arrogant, ignorant, and infuriating sometimes, she never lost sight of the fact that he was indeed a hero. He'd saved her life five years ago when she was on the Enterprise. He saved a lot of lives. He was a bonafide hero, and she knew it was important that Jake knew that.

"Night Jacob George Kirk" she said, shutting off the light, giving one final smiling to her beautiful son.

"Goodnight Momma"

**((Author's Note: A reader mention that Penelope was still a little cardboard for her so hopefully this gives her a little more substence. It's easy to say she's suppose to be angry; she was. But at the same time, she's had five years to deal with that anger. Anyways, thank you all for your wonderful reviews! I'll keep this going for a few more chapters and I'll see where that takes me. The next chapter will include Kirk so, Kirk lovers be aware! LOL. Please keep reviewing and thanks again!))**


	4. Chapter 4

**Five Years  
**

Chapter Three

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own anything mentioned in the following fanfiction, except for the character of Penelope Richmond. She is of my own design.

* * *

"Hey Pen"

She looked up from the paper she was grading, her eyes completely not surprised to see James standing on her front porch, a cautious look on his face. She took a sip of coffee from the steaming mug that was by her side, keep her eyes on him as he just stood there, waiting for direction.

"James. What brings you by my house again for the second time in three days?" she asked, leaning back in her chair, James moving across the porch and sitting on the one opposite of her. She could tell just by looking at him he was an emotional wreck; he had bags under his eyes, his hair was slightly mess, and he was wringing his hands. All James T Kirk tells for emotional distress.

"You said to come back once I've had some time to process this so. Here I am" he said, looking up from his hands and at her, Penelope stone walling him by keeping her face straight. She wasn't going to give him an inch here; he needed to do this on his own.

"And?" she prodded, unable to help herself after a minute of silence. The warm afternoon California air washed over them, the day so nice Penelope decided to work outside on the porch. It was the weekend so she had no classes to teach, but that didn't stop her from working ahead; she had a mountain of papers to mark and little time to do them in.

"I want you to know that I'm not mad that you didn't tell me. I understand why you chose to keep it to yourself" he started, his hands beginning to wring.

She stayed silent.

"Part of me wants to thank you for not telling me because I've had the most amazing five years on the Enterprise. But a bigger part of me wants to tell you that you should have told me. Yeah I would have stayed and yeah, I wouldn't have had the past five years I've had but that wouldn't have mattered. Our son would have grown up in a real home with real parents and that would have beaten whatever I seen or done over the past few years" he said with newfound conviction, Penelope taking a deep breath as she saw where this conversation was headed.

"I grew up without my father and not a day went by where I didn't think of him. I don't want that for Jake" he continued, Penelope's heart beginning to race now.

She could see it as clear as day in his eyes; he was going to ask to be a part of their lives. It was the one scenario she hadn't prepared for and the one where she still didn't know what'd she'd do if he'd asked. Part of her was thrilled at the prospective of having James back but another didn't know how to explain the two week time period of father time to Jake.

"So what are you saying?" she asked, needing to hear him say it outloud.

"I'm saying I'd like to be a part of your lives. I'd like to be a part of his life. I want him to have a Dad he can look up to and come home to everyday. I want him to be able to beat other kids in 'My dad is' competitions by saying 'My Dad's a Starfleet captain'. I just...I want to be in his life, Pen. I want to be in your life" he said empathetically, showing some of the rare James T. Kirk compassion that initially made her head over heels for him. And if the slightly increase of beats per minute her heart had just began beating at was an indication, his kindness still managed to do the same thing.

"What am I suppose to say to that, James? Sure, you can just waltz into our lives and change everything? Sorry, no. It doesn't work like that. Besides, you leave in twelve days. Are you going to explain to him on that thirteenth day when you aren't here, because I'm sure as hell not going to do that to him" she said with unintended aggression, rising from her chair and moving towards her front door, leaving it open for James to follow her in. She was feeling some of the anger she'd felt during her nine months of pregnancy begin to arise in her, but she had to stem it. She had to keep her cool.

"I've been thinking about that and I'm going to resign as Captain of Enterprise" he said as he shut the door behind him, Penelope stopping dead in her tracks as his words hung like anvils over her.

"No you're not James" she said sternly, crossing into her kitchen. Her hands immediately went to the sink as she began to wash dishes, the task she always took to doing when on the verge of anger.

"I'm not going to ask you to give up the one thing in life you love doing to be a father to Jake. I teach him to pursue his dreams and to do what he loves. I'd be a hypocrite if I asked you to resign from Starfleet" she said, running a soapy sponge over a disk.

"Good thing you aren't asking, then" he joked, finally sending her over the edge

"Damn it, James. We aren't at the Academy anymore! This isn't some simulation where you can cheat your way out of it! This is real life! This is my life! You can't come storming in here after three days of being home and decide you want to uproot our lives" she said, turning around to face him as she yelled, her voice high and antagonizing.

"Penny, I have right to—"

"You're playing the rights card? Are you kidding me?"

"Penny, he's my son—"

"NO, HE'S NOT! HE'S MY SON! I RAISED HIM, I CHANGED ALL HIS DIAPERS, I TOOK HIM TO THE HOSPITAL WHENEVER HE RAN HIGH FEVERS. HE MAY BE YOUR'S GENETICALLY JAMES, BUT HE SURE AS HELL IS NOT YOUR SON" she yelled, slamming the dish she'd had in her hand down on the counter, the ceramic shattering in millions of pieces.

"WELL WHOSE FAULT IS THAT PENELOPE, HUH? I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO DO IT ON YOUR OWN, YOU CHOSE NOT TO TELL ME! YOU CHOSE TO DO THIS ON YOUR OWN! HE COULD HAVE BEEN MY SON IF YOU'D JUST TOLD ME BUT NO, YOU KEPT IT TO YOURSELF AND LOOK WHERE IT'S GOTTEN US!" he yelled back, taking a step forward to her threateningly as he shouted.

"God, you still don't understand. I was doing you a favour—" she started, shaking her head in disbelief before bringing a hand to her face, pinching the bridge of her nose as she closed her eyes tiredly.

"Were you? Is that what you thought you were doing?" he asked her quietly, his face pained and hurt as he lowered his voice. She looked up at him and saw the anguish in his eyes; he really was all torn up about this.

"James, you said it yourself five minutes ago. You've had the most amazing 5 years" she said tiredly, raising her eyebrows in expectation.

"Yeah, I have. Now let me ask you, how were the last five years with Jake, hm? Amazing, I bet" he replied knowingly, giving her an equally expectant look. She kept his stare for a few minutes before looking away, giving another tired sigh.

"Ultimately it's not my decision James but if I were you, I'd think about resigning a little more. What would you do here on Earth?" she asked, leaning back against the counter behind her as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I'd teach at the Academy, just like you" he said firmly, adamant with that decision.

"And you'd hate it. You'd hate every single day of it and then slowly, you'd start to hate us" she explained.

"Pen, I could never hate you" he said with such sincerity that her heart skipped yet another beat.

"You aren't meant for teaching James. You're meant to be out there, it's in your blood. Being a Captain is all you've ever wanted. You can't step away from that, you just can't" she said quietly, shaking her head a few times.

"We don't have to make that decision right now. But I would like to meet him" he pressed further, his eyes gentle and nonthreatening.

"And when you leave in twelve days?" she asked, needing clarification on what his plan was,

"If I leave, I'll be the one to explain to him why" he finished, giving her a nod of firm confirmation.

She weighed the options carefully in her head. She could either refuse James access to Jake, thereby more than likely ending their friendship. Or she could suck up her pride and let him meet his son. After all, it was her fault for the lack of male guidance over the past five years. If she'd told James from the get go, he would have stayed and Jake would have grown up with a Dad. The least she could do now was offer Jake a few days with the Dad he'd been praying to come home ever since he was old enough to talk.

"He's out right now at a play date. I'm going to get him around six so, stick around I guess" she said, moving to begin cleaning up the shattered ceramic from her previous outburst. She was busy picking up some of the bigger pieces off the floor when a new set of hands entered the picture, Penelope raising her eyes off of the broken plate and up to James', a feeling of undeniable calm washing over her as she looked into his clear blue eyes. She hadn't felt that feeling in a long time; an emotion that she'd gone so long without feeling yet, as she continued to look straight into his eyes right now, she couldn't help but recognize how wonderful it made her feel.

-------------

"What am I suppose to say?"

"You did not just ask me that"

"What! It's not everyday you meet your kid for the first time"

"No, that only happens once. Oh wait, I remember, you weren't there"

"And whose fault is that"

She rolled her eyes, gather her car keys and purse as the clock read ten to six. For the past hour James had paced back and forth her living room floor, his path almost wearing an oval into her hardwood floors. He was nervous, something that she never really saw him be before. It was kind of endearing.

"I'm going to go get him. Keep in mind that he knows your face so, don't be surprised if he comes running at you when he sees you. You're kind of a big deal to him" she said as she swung her bag over her shoulder, giving him a warning smile as she opened and shut the door behind her, her mind racing.

She debated her decision all the way to Jake's friend's house, staying silent for the majority of the trip back as well as she wondered whether or not this was the right decision for Jake, and for herself. She didn't know whether or not she was ready to let him back into her life.

They pulled up in the driveway about twenty minutes later and she shut off the car, turning to Jake in the back seat.

"Hey baby boy. I have a surprise for you, okay?" she said, readying him. She got out of the car and opened the door for him, helping him out and walking with him hand in hand up the porch.

"What is it, Momma? Is it a dinosaur?" he asked eagerly, tugging at her hand with a beaming grin on his face that made her laugh. She shook her head and then stopped, squatting down to his level right in front of the door.

"But before you see it, I want you to know that Momma loves you very much, okay?" she said, giving Jake a kiss on the forehead before standing back up, taking a deep breath in preparation.

She swung open the door and stepped in, James standing right in the line of fire. He was maybe seven meters in front of them, standing with his hands jammed deep in his pockets and she watched as his face passed from pure fear to something between surprise, joy, and happiness.

"DADDY!" she heard Jake scream at her side, her head looking down to see her son toss away the back pack on his back and drop her hand, running straight to him like she knew he would.

The next part was the part that surprised her the most. She watched James laugh and then bend down, enveloping his son in a hug that made her knees a little unsteady. She watched him look up at her and smile, his eyes kind and happy. She smiled back as she shut the door behind her, leaning against it as she watched him finally pull away from his son.

"Jacob George Kirk you are considerably bigger than the last time I saw you" he said, giving Penelope a knowing yet wise look with his eyes that she chuckled at.

"I know Papa, I'm four years old now!" Jake exclaimed, holding up four fingers. They both laughed.

"I know you are, kiddo" he chuckled, holding Jake out at arm's length to get a good look at him. She watched his eyes drink his son in, a small smile slowly developing on his lips as Jake just stood there. There was absolutely no denying that he was his son.

"Jake, go wash up for dinner, okay?" she said eventually, moving from her post at the front door and over to them, ruffling Jake's hair with her hand.

"Is Papa staying for dinner?" he asked with the frank honesty only children were capable of. She paused, her eyes going to James who was looking up at her hopefully.

"Papa's actually going to be staying here with us over the next few days" saying the words out loud before her mind could even process what she was saying. She watched Jake's face light up, her son throwing himself back onto his father who was looking at her with look of nothing short of surprise. She watched James hug him back, closing his eyes to enjoy the moment before letting go, Jake running off into the house at full tilt.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked, rising from his crouched position to standing.

"You said you wanted in on his life. You have the next twelve days to get to know him, so you might as well just stay here" she said, throwing her purse down and moving over to the kitchen, trying to rationalize why she'd invited him to stay.

She knew deep down that James was right; Jake deserved to know his father, and James had the right to get to know his own son. She knew it would be hard for Jake to understand why his dad had to leave in two weeks, but she knew the memories he'd gain during the next twelve days would serve him a life time. But more than that, she knew that despite his arrogance and the way he got under her skin like none other, James was going to be an amazing father. She'd seen it in his eyes the very second he'd seen Jake; he was going to love this kid no matter what.

It's what he thought of her that was worrying her.

**((Author's Note: I know this took a while, sorry. Don't know how I feel about this, I know the ending was kind of weak. Anyways, lemme know what you think, okay? Thanks so much for all of your kind words and please keep reading and reviewing! Means so much))**


	5. Chapter 5

**Five Years  
**

Chapter Five

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own anything mentioned in the following fanfiction, except for the character of Penelope Richmond. She is of my own design.

* * *

"James, Jake, Momma's home!" she called into her house, pushing the front door open as she stepped in, back from a day at work.

She was just tossing her keys on to the table beside the door when she saw James skid along the hardwood floors out of the hallway, coming to a halt a few meters in front of her.

"Where's Jake?" she asked, pulling off her heels and chucking them on the sofa along with her purse and brief case, hanging her jacket up before turning to look at James, her breath catching in her throat.

If she didn't know any better, she could have sworn they were back at the Academy on a dress down day, the pair of them hanging out in his dorm. He was dressed in dark jeans and a plain grey t-shirt along with the black, square framed glasses Penelope even forgot he owned. This was the James she'd fallen in love with eight years ago; the jeans and t-shirt James, not the Captain James. She felt her heart skip a beat.

"He's hiding. Oh, by the way, I think I may have lost our son" James said, giving her a blank look as he scratched the back of his head, one hand in his pocket.

"Lost?" she asked for clarification, taking a few steps into the house to make sure she could hear him. _Lost!?_

"He's been hiding for over half an hour now and I have no idea where he is" he explained, giving her yet another blank look. Relief washed over her, stopping the panic attack that had begun brewing when he'd mentioned that he'd lost Jake.

"Don't do that to me James, I swear" she muttered, shaking her head before hitting him playfully on the shoulder, a small smile creeping up on both of their faces.

"Try the linen closet in my bedroom, he's small enough to squish himself in between the pillows on the bottom shelf" she said, moving over the kitchen as she gestured for him to go find Jake.

She was halfway through checking her messages when she saw James come back into the family room with a sleeping Jake in his arms, the little guy snoozing away contently on his Dad's shoulder.

"Out like a light" James whispered as he gently set Jake down on the sofa, Penelope watching from the kitchen with comfort as she recognized how gently and carefully James handled Jake.

"So how was your day?" he asked as soon as he'd finished setting down Jake, the pair of them moving out to the backyard porch to talk.

"Tiring, but then again I have to deal with hundreds of future James T. Kirk's so" she teased, sitting down on one of the chairs she had out and relaxing, closing her eyes to enjoy just a moment of California sun.

"How was your first day with Jake?" she inquired after a few seconds, opening a single eye to him.

"Good. God, he's a smart kid. He's definitely your son" James teased, sitting back in the chair opposite of her and leaning back, relaxing for a second.

"Externally, he's almost all you. He's practically your four year old twin" she joked, both of them laughing as she shut her eyes again, taking a deep breath.

"You did good, Pen" he said after a few seconds of comfortable silence, this comment opening both of her eyes. She looked over to see him looking at her proudly and if she guessed it right, with admiration.

"Pardon me?" she inquired, confused as to why he made that declaration. She wasn't used to being complimented the way he was admiring her now.

"Raising him. You did a good job. He's one hell of a kid" James noted, a small smile coming to his lips at the end of the sentence.

"Thanks James" she said, smiling at him before going back to her closed eyes, head tilted back position.

"But you should be saying 'we' did well, because he's just as much yours as he is mine. So really James, we did well. Jake kinda won the genetic lottery pool with us two as parents" she joked, opening up an eye as a smile came to both of their faces, a chuckle following soon after in appreciation.

"I still can't believe I'm a Dad. Is it normal to feel this worried and terrified all the time? I mean, I just gotta look at him and it's like I'm almost worried to death about everything that might happen to him" James said, Penelope smiling wisely.

"Welcome to Parenthood, James" she said, keeping her eyes closed as she enjoyed the quiet moment.

"Does it ever get any easier? This nonstop worry?" he inquired, Pen giving a small laugh at the way he'd asked it; insecurity was written all over his tone.

"Not a chance in hell" she replied back honestly, opening both of her eyes this time as she watched him take in the news, his face absolutely crestfallen.

"You just got to trust him and trust yourself. I know it may seem like it at times, but the world isn't that scary of a place" she said reassuringly, giving a smile as she watched him sit up in exclamation

"The world is a terrifying place!" he cried, looking at her in disbelief. She took a step back from the conversation and just looked into his eyes for a few seconds; they were so crystal clear and blue it was almost unhinging.

"I mean our world, Earth. Not your world, the universe" she teased, looking at him knowingly.

"I meant our world! We've got serial killers, child molesters, technologic terrorists. The world is one scary ass place" he declared, looking at her expectantly as if he thought she should know it already.

"That may be so, but that's no reason to stop living our lives. We've just got to keep our own and Jake's nose outta trouble" she replied, soaking in the sun for a few more seconds before rising, going back inside.

"I forgot to ask you, but how'd you sleep last night?" she asked, cutting through the kitchen into the living room and going down the main hall, entering her bedroom to change.

"Good. I haven't had a decent mattress to sleep on in over five years so I slept like a baby last night" he said, following her in to her surprise. She watched from where she was standing by her bureau, taking off her jewellery as he flopped down on her bed, automatically looking as if he belonged there.

She laughed, crossing into her washroom and disappearing for a few seconds before coming back out changed from her work clothes, now wearing dark jeans and a plain red tank top, glad to be out of the skirt suit she'd been in all day.

"What'd you guys do for lunch?" she asked as they walked back down the hallway and into the main foyer, Penelope moving over to the kitchen to start prepping dinner.

"I rehydrated a protein package I brought with me from the Enterprise" James replied, leaning against the counter top as she worked around him.

"You gave our son rations?" she exclaimed quietly, stopping in her tracks with a cutting board in her hand. She was glaring at him critically with her dark brown eyes, trying to figure out what the heck he'd been thinking.

"I didn't know what else to do!" he retorted, looking at her meekly with embarrassment.

She turned around and opened up her refrigerator door, pointing inside to the cornucopia of food it housed.

"Still have no idea" he replied, withdrawing a pathetic laugh from her as she just shook her head again in disbelief.

"Well then. Guess we're going to have to do something about that" she declared, setting the cutting board down on the kitchen counter before moving back to the fridge, withdrawing a bunch of stuff.

She chucked him a box of greens, two tomatoes, a cucumber and a carrot and then gestured towards the cutting board as she continued to gather things.

"How to make a salad 101. Wash the lettuces, dry it, cut the tomatoes, cucumber, and carrot, mix together and enjoy" she said, pulling out a package of chicken along with another column of green stuff, moving over to the counter top beside him.

"So what kind of stuff should I be feeding him?" James inquired a few seconds later, Penelope watching as he ran the lettuces under water, Pen sweeping her hair up into a messy bun as she began prepping the chicken.

"Good food. I try and stay away from the rehydrated stuff because it's just so full of preservatives and what not so we eat as fresh as possible. It's hard though, since it seems like fresh fruits and veggies now a days are a hot commodity" she explained, filleting the breasts in her hand with a sharp kitchen knife.

"How so?" he asked curiously, turning to look at her with a compassion in his eyes that she'd missed these past five years. Despite being rugged and somewhat arrogant, she knew James had a big heart. Something she knew Jake inherited from him.

"Well most of the land around California has been cultivated for shipyards or fuel manufacturing plants. Farmers are finding it tough to keep a hand on their lands" she explained, continuingly to filet the meat.

"So what to people eat?" he inquired, chopping up a cucumber now with vigour.

"Rehydrated stuff, not unlike the stuff you eat up on the Enterprise" she answered, finishing one breast before tossing it into a stainless steel bowl to be seasoned later, picking up another breast out of the package.

"I would have done anything for a fresh salad up there" he said after a few seconds of contemplation, biting healthily into the carrot, Pen laughing as she heard him groan appreciatively.

"Tell me more about the past five years, James. What kind of stuff did you see?" she asked, taking her eyes off the chicken in her hand briefly as she glanced over at him warmly, smiling as she saw him munch down on another carrot.

"Oh my god, Pen. I can't even begin to describe it. It was incredible, seeing new things every day, meeting species I'd never even imagined. It's been amazing" he noted, Penelope noting the obvious wistful tones in his voice as she carefully cut away the skin of the chicken, happy for him.

"I'm glad. You've done a great job" she commented, keeping her eyes locked on her knife and the chicken. She felt a pang of jealousy strike through her but she shook it from herself instantly, reminding herself of how amazing her last five years had been as well.

"You should have been there, Penny. It wasn't the same without you by my side" he commented with such sincerity in his voice that she looked up from what she'd been doing, her face a cross between surprise and appreciation, feeling her heart miss a beat at his words.

She turned to look at him for a few seconds, his blue eyes still piercing through his glasses as he smiled faintly at her, his lips curled in a crooked smile that seemed to strike her speechless.

She was just opening her mouth to say something, her eyes careful yet at the same time endearing, when she felt a sharp pain down at her hand. She cursed out loud as she looked down to find her hand oozing blood after cutting herself with the knife, the task she'd been doing pushed to the wayside of her attention after what James had said.

"Damn it" she muttered, moving her hand over to the kitchen sink and running cold water over it, feeling the sting as the wound was flushed with water, her mind cursing herself for being distracted by him.

"You alright?" he asked, setting down the carrot he'd been cutting and pulling her hand from the running water, examining the wound with his eyes.

"I'm fine, it's nothing big" she said as he released her hand a few seconds later, putting it back underneath the water.

"I'll get you a band aid, hold on" he said, backing out of the kitchen as he jogged through the living room and down the hallway, coming back a few seconds later with antiseptic wash and a thick bandage.

"Here, let me see that" he said as he pulled her hand once again from the water, going through the process of cleaning out her wound. She watched him as he went to work, his eyes carefully raking over her cut hand as he bandaged it up, Penelope finding it incredibly striking how delicately he'd helped her. It was old school James, a James she hadn't seen in a while.

"Thanks" she said finally as he looked up from her now mended hand, a grin on his face.

"No problem. Can't have the mother of my child loose an arm because it gets infected now, can I?" he joked, turning his attention back towards the salad he'd been busy preparing.

"Hey James?" she asked a few seconds later, still looking at him with kind eyes.

"Yeah?" he asked, looking over his shoulder towards her with a goofy smile on his face.

"You're going to be a great Dad. Jake's a lucky kid" she commented, punching him playfully on the shoulder before going back to the chicken, the foundations of what she felt towards James shaken ever so slightly by what he'd just done for her and how he'd did it. The way he looked, dressed in old school clothes, and the way he was being around her was reviving feelings she'd long ago buried. He was being the James she'd fallen in love with eight years ago but had since fallen out of love with him due to his absence. She didn't know if she wanted to bring those feelings back up again, but she was fearing that she really had no say in the matter.

**((Author's Note: Thanks for the patient wait =] Here's the new update, lemme know what you think. Thanks for all the support, means so much! You all rock!))**


	6. Chapter 6

**Five Years  
**

Chapter Five

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own anything mentioned in the following fanfiction, except for the character of Penelope Richmond. She is of my own design.

* * *

"Hey everyone. I'm not going to be lecturing today but I do have something that you're probably all going to want to stick around for. A, Jake's coming in and I know how much you all adore him and B, and old friend of mine is here and I think you're going to want to talk to him" she said from her podium at the front of the class, looking over to the door as it opened and in came the two most important men in her life at the moment, her lips instantly smiling as she saw James wearing his old civilian clothes with Jake hitched on his hip.

She heard her class of a hundred and five students erupt into a hushed murmur as James strode in, giving them all a curt wave before depositing Jake down onto the floor, both of them watching as Jake sprinted off to the front row of the class room, high fiving several people as he went by. Penelope had begun bringing him to class with her when he was around one and a half, letting him sit in the front row while she lectured about theoretical physics and transport technology. As a result, a good handful of students had taken a liking towards the kid, and she had at least thirty babysitters available whenever she wanted to go out.

"I don't know if Pen, I mean Professor Richmond has introduced me yet but I'm Captain James Kirk, Captain of the Enterprise. We're docked up at Federation Headquarters for repairs so I thought I'd come in and answer whatever questions you guys have about ship life, captaincy, any of it" he said in introduction as he pulled off his black leather jacket to reveal a plain red t-shirt that looked very worn in, as well as pair of dark faded jeans. As she looked at him for a few more seconds, she recalled a distinct and vivid memory of the red shirt; of how it looked and of how it felt.

-------------

"_James, I swear to God, you throw another paper shuttle at me and you are never having kids" she said, glaring angrily to the smirking man who was sitting in the corner of her room, draped across her lounge chair like he owned the place._

"_I don't know if I ever want kids. Actually, I do. One boy, to, you know, carry on the legacy" he said from the lounger as he sat back, lacing his fingers together and putting them behind his head._

"_Of what? Skipping more classes than anyone else in their entire year or taking the Kobayashi Maru test too many times to count?" she snorted, shaking her head as she went back to her reading, highlighting another verse of text._

"_I've only taken it twice" he countered warningly, Penelope looking up to find him glaring at her._

"_Yeah, twice too many" she retorted, giving a laugh as she watched him sit up in a huff, a cross between resentment and annoyance on his face. _

"_You know, I resent that. It's not my fault that test is unwinnable" he said definitively, giving her a pointed look before leaning back, Pen snorting again._

"_You're a Kirk. No-win scenarios are supposed to be your forte" she teased, looking up from her book to give him an expectant and knowing look with her eyes._

"_Oh, ha ha. But seriously, not my fault" he said with mock humour, getting right back to the point._

"_No, but embarrassing yourself in front of the higher echelons at Starfleet and systematically embarrassing your entire simulation crew is your fault" she pointed out without looking up from her text, beginning to do a sample calculation._

"_Oh come on, I always try my best" he scoffed, Penelope out right laughing this time._

"_No, you don't. Trying your best would mean studying before hand, going over old test transcripts, looking a Federation mission reports" she said, outlining what she was doing herself for the Kobayashi Maru test she'd yet to take. She didn't know when she'd take it, but she wanted to be as ready as possible._

"_I study before hand, just not for the test" he replied back with a smirk, Penelope rolling her dark chocolate eyes at him in grave annoyance._

"_For the last time James, sleeping with a woman does not count as studying for human anatomy" she said plainly, shaking her head in disbelief._

"_Why not? I think it does" he countered, still smirking at her from the corner with arrogance to thick it was almost dripping off his face._

"_You aren't even taking human anatomy!" she exclaimed, throwing up her hands in frustration as she continued to stare disbelievingly at him._

"_Besides the point" he said, brushing the argument away._

"_No, exactly the point. Maybe if you actually invested some time into the test, you might not epically fail like you did last time" she pointed out before going back to her text, trying to get some work done._

"_Hey, I did not epically fail" he called to her._

"_Kirk," she started, looking up once again from her tablet screen as she peered at him pointedly._

"_You blew up both our ship and the Kobayashi Maru. You epically failed" she said straightforwardly, raising her eyebrows and pursing her lips slightly in his direction in expectancy._

"_Okay, so I kinda fucked it up. So what? When I'm Captain of my own ship I'm not going to remember what other people did in similar situations, I'm just going to do what I think is best" he explained diplomatically as he gazed at her fairly, giving a confident smile at the end of his speech._

"_If you become Captain" she corrected, raising an eyebrow challengingly._

"_No. When" he counted, correcting her back._

"_Oh, that Kirk arrogance. How it defines you" she said giving a chuckle as she turned back to her work._

"_You know, I don't know if I like your tone, Missy" he said slowly as she saw from the corner of her eye his body rising from the lounger, slowly coming over to her._

"_James, just let me study" she pleaded as she looked up from her tablet for the infinite time, praying with her eyes that he'd just let her be but finding no dice as she saw the wickedly mischievous look on his face._

"_Not until you say you're sorry" he said as he finally reached her, his hands immediately plunging themselves into her sides in a tickle, Penelope unable to not laugh._

"_James...stop!" she said in between giggles as she squirmed in her chair, managing eventually to get out of it and sprint across the room, James hot on her heels._

"_Apologize!" he commanded as he tackled her onto her bed, Penelope laughing once again as he pinned her down on the mattress with a leg on either side of her, straddling her as he continued to tickle her sides, her laughs echoing harshly off the walls. She squirmed and protested, her hands going to the fabric of his red t-shirt in an attempt to throw him off of her, but no luck as he remained firm._

"_I'm....sorry!" she cried in between laughs, tears streaming out of the corners of her eyes as he finally relented, removing his hands and grinning down at her looking every bit pleased with himself that she knew he felt._

"_Repeat after me. James Tiberius Kirk will be Captain of his own ship one day and I, Penelope Vivienne Richmond will be his First Officer" he called down to her as he continued to straddle her, Penelope sliding out from under him so that instead she was sitting upright in front of him, laughter still all over her face._

"_James Tiberius Kirk will be Captain of his own ship one day and I, Penelope Vivienne Richmond will be his First Officer. And best friend" she said, adding on that last part with a smile as she playfully punched his shoulder._

"_And don't you ever forget it" he replied back, ruffling up her hair before climbing off the bed and retreating to the lounger, Penelope left laughing in his wake._

---------------

She remembered that day quite vividly so it was only fit that she'd remember the shit he'd been wearing. That was the day she'd first started having feelings for James during their first year, right before a Physics midterm she ended up acing despite him being an obvious distraction. She remembered the feeling of the shirt; it'd be soft and worn even eight years ago. It was a wonder he still had it.

"Scotty detonated the cores we had and the black was big enough to push us out of the gravitational pull of the black hole and into safety. And the rest, as I'm sure you all know, is history that I'm sure Starfleet will get around to teaching one of these days" he said jokingly, finishing a story she'd phased out of after walking down memory lane as the class gave an appreciative laugh.

"So Jake is your son?" a student in the far back called, both Pen and James' eyes going in that direction before the pair of them exchanged a cautious look, her head bowing once in a nod.

"Yeah. Little tyke's mine" James said endearingly in such a way that she felt something inside of her pang, her eyes watching as James went over and ruffled the hair on Jake's head much like he'd done to her years ago, a smile instantly coming to her face.

"So are you and Professor Richmond married?" another student asked, drawing both of their attention again as they both grinned bashfully.

"Sadly, no. We're a shining example of what can happen as a result of drinking too much tequila and not having contraception. I'm just lucky my baby's daddy is my best friend and not some random deadbeat. Anyone else?" she said with a smirk, the class laughing again as both she and James gave appreciative laughs.

"Professor Richmond, did you serve on the Enterprise with the Captain during the Romulan attack?" a student in the front row asked, raising his hand up politely.

"Yes I did, Alexander. Except between the two of us, I was the only one assigned to the Enterprise at the time" she said with knowing appreciation, James giving her a mischievous grin that sent a faint shiver down her spine as she leant back on the desk she was now standing in front of.

"How come you didn't go back like the rest of the crew did?" the student pressed further, Penelope glancing once more at James before answering.

"I found out I was pregnant with Jake shortly before deployment and besides, I always saw myself as a teacher. Ship life isn't for everyone, despite what James might tell you" she replied back, smiling at the student who was smiling back.

"What was it like for you then, professor?" he asked this time, the class all hanging on her very words.

"Those few odd days on that ship were both the most amazing yet terrifying days of my life. The constant fear and near death situations...my nerves just couldn't take it. But for those of you who are thrill seekers, I'm sure Kirk here can tell you about some of the amazing things he's seen during the past five years" she said as she threw the ball back at him, the Q and A going back to him. This went on for another hour or so until the bell chimed that the class was over, James shaking many a hand as his students filed out.

"That probably did nothing for your ego" she sighed as the last student left, both of them chuckling appreciatively.

She was gathering up her things when she felt James come up beside her, flopping down on the corner of the desk next to her.

"Was it true, what you said? That one of the reasons you didn't go back was because of Jake?" he asked her quietly as Jake busied himself with a paper airplane he'd been making, both of them watching him for a second as the kid's face screwed up with exaggerated focus.

"Yeah. We were back on Earth for about a month before deployment and I found out about a week before we were set to leave. I went and talked to Admiral Pike and he arranged for me to stay here and begin teaching. Haven't looked back since" she replied back honestly with a smile, turning to look at him for a second and finding herself inexplicably lost in his blue eyes.

"You know, you would have made a great First Officer" he declared a few seconds later as she finished shoving some papers into her bag, turning to smile at him quizzically.

"You remember that?" she asked him slowly, a little surprised and more than a little touched by the fact that he remembered the exact conversation she'd strolled down memory lane with just minutes ago.

"Of course I do. All I remember from the Academy is all the time I spent goofing off with you. It's all we did" he said endearingly as he gave her a small smile, adding a wink for good measure at the end that she grinned at.

"No, it's all you did. That and screw randoms. I studied and finished top of our class academically speaking" she teased hitching her bag over her shoulder as she called for Jake to join them, James laughing at her comment.

"Where as you just usually—" she said to him quietly so Jake wouldn't hear, raising an eyebrow challengingly at him with a smirk on her lips.

"Finished on top, yeah. I got it" he finished good humouredly, laughing at her joke but sending her a playfully warning look with his eyes.

She felt her son come up beside her a second later and wrap his arms around her leg in a hug, Penelope chuckling and smiling down at her son's grinning face.

"Momma, can we go get ice cream?" Jake asked as he continued to grin, both of his parents let out appreciative laughs at their son's inhibition. She watched as he let go of her leg and moved over to James, grabbing his dad's hand, moving to grab her's as well.

"Sure we can buddy" she replied as they headed towards the door, James grabbing his jacket as they headed out, the gentlest of smiles playing on his pink lips.

"Can Daddy come too? Like a family?" Jake asked with his young innocence, looking back up at them with expectancy in his piercing blue eyes. She glanced over at James who still had the faint smile on his face, his eyes giving her such a wicked look that she felt her heart ping a bit, her lips eventually curling into the smile. She'd been very reluctant to let James into her and Jake's life only a few days ago, but as they stood there now with the prospect of being a family, the idea didn't seem to bad. Especially not since James was continually proving to be the stand up guy she'd fallen in love with 8 years ago.

"Sure. Like a family"

**((Author's Note: All my readers rock, don't ever change. Thanks for all the AWESOME feedback, it's worth more than you guys know! Lemme know what you think, okay?))**


	7. Chapter 7

**Five Years  
**

Chapter Seven

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own anything mentioned in the following fanfiction, except for the character of Penelope Richmond. She is of my own design.

* * *

"James, Jake, I'm...."

She'd barely taken a step into the house when her eyes set sight on one of the most perfect things she'd ever seen before in her life.

Jake was sitting up on the counter in the kitchen, a big mixing bowl in one of his tiny hands and a spatula in the other, his face screwed up in concentration as he mixed the bowl's contents with all his might. James was standing close beside him, loose white shirt on his chest and a smile on his lips as he coached his son in the art of mixing as he chopped something with the kitchen knife, the pair of them oblivious to the fact she was there.

She had to admit it; James was turning out to be one hell of a Dad. This was the third whole day he'd had with Jake and it was if he'd been around for the kid's entire life. It was breathtaking and heartbeat fastening how fantastic James was; she found the things she'd fallen for so badly in him coming to light through fatherhood, something that although she was wary about, she couldn't deny.

"Hey! When'd you get home?" James said after about two minutes of her just standing at the door, leaning against the doorframe as she appreciated the sight of the two of them together.

"A little while ago. What are you two doing?" she asked with curiosity as she finally entered, chucking her bag and purse towards her desk and hanging her coat on the hanger, moving towards the hallway to get changed. She reappeared a second later, dressed in slim dark blue jeans and a casual grey v-neck shirt, her hair swept up into a messy bun and her face free of the make-up she wore to class.

"We're making you dinner, momma!" Jake called from his spot on the counter as Penelope moved to the fridge to grab something to help, both she and James laughing appreciatively.

"Ah, ah, ah. Didn't you hear your son? We're making you dinner" James chided as he removed the package of shrimp she had in her hands, tossing it into the sink as he gently placed his hands on her hips and guided her out of the kitchen, gesturing to the sofa.

"So what am I suppose to do?" she exclaimed as she collapsed on the sofa and smiled, unable to take her eyes off the perfect image of Jake and James in the kitchen together.

"You're supposed to pour yourself a glass of wine, sit over there, and tell us about your day. Right, Jake?" James asked as he looked up from his chopping board with mischievous eyes, Jake's head bouncing up and down in agreement.

"Right!"

"So how was your day, Pen" James asked as he gave her a knowing smirk, looking back down to his board before looking up periodically to her.

"It was fine, thank you very much. But really, I would like to help" she said as she rose from the couch and moved back over to the kitchen, hearing James chuckle appreciatively.

"We try and do something nice and here you are, fighting the system. So typical Penny" he said wisely, glancing over his shoulder to her as she moved to Jake and the bowl of batter he was mixing, dipping her finger in to get a taste.

"Oh my god, James. What the heck is that supposed to be?" she exclaimed as she put the batter encased finger into her mouth and almost gagged, spitting it out immediately as she moved to the sink to flush the stuff out of her mouth with water.

"Chocolate chip cookie batter. What's wrong with it?" he asked concernedly as he moved over to the bowl of batter in Jake's hands and tasted it for himself, giving her a confused taste.

"What's wrong with it?" he asked as he went back to his chopping board, finding nothing wrong with the offending batter that Jake was peering down at.

"What's wrong with it? The fact that after tasting that I'm hypertensive, that's what's wrong with it. Gosh James, how much salt did you put in there?" she teased as she gulped down a glass of water, laughing in between sips as she watch James squirm.

"Enough" he said nonchalantly as she laughed again shaking her head.

"A dash, James. Cookie recipes call for a dash" she explained as she pulled out a cook book to show him.

"That's what I did" he miffed, not looking over his shoulder this time. She laughed and went over to him, clapping a hand on his shoulder reassuringly as she looked over at him.

"A dash of your fingers, not of both palms" she explained, pinching some salt from her salt tin and throwing it over her left shoulder for good luck.

"Whatever, its not that bad" he said again in the same miffed tone, avoiding eye contact. She laughed again and shook her head, sighing. Typical James, refusing to admit he was wrong over something so petty.

"James, seriously. Try it again" she said as she took a spoon out from a drawer and took some batter, holding it out to him to try. She watched him advert his face but keep his eyes on the vegetables he was chopping in front of him, avoiding eye contact.

"I already tried it, it's fine" he said in disregard, Penelope readjusting the spoon to try and get it into his mouth

"No, seriously, try it—" she said, but was cut off by a sudden movement he made that caused her to drop the spoon, the batter landing on his shirt, the yellow substance slowly dripping down his chest.

"Oh no" she muttered, glancing up at him sheepishly in apology. She watched him look down at the offending batter on his shirt and then mechanically look up at her, mischief and danger in his eyes.

"You know what this means, don't you?" he asked menacingly as he put down the knife he was holding, turning to Jake and the batter.

She knew what he was going to do. It was an unrequited rule with him she'd learned during the three years at the Academy; if you ever spilt, dropped, or tossed food at him, he would begin a full out food fight. It was something she'd learned very quickly after accidently spilling a glass of water on him. The debacle ended ten minutes later with a potato the size of a grape fruit stuck in the clasp of her bra.

"James, seriously, I didn't mean to—" she started as she backed away from him, getting cut off as he threw a handful of wet batter at her, the substance hitting her face and chest.

"You know the rules, Pen" he said as she stood there in shock, the batter seeping into her shirt. She heard Jake laugh appreciatively as James just smiled arrogantly, her blood beginning to boil.

She had two options. One, shake it off and walk outside, avoiding the food fight that was bound to ensue, resulting in a devastating clean up later. Or two, grab the batter bowl and kamikaze his butt with cookie dough in an act of random fun she knew would be a highlight to her week. She weighed her options. A week ago, she would have just walked away. But now that he was here, in her life, and bringing up a part of her she'd forgotten about, she found that that wasn't the case anymore.

"Jake, give Momma the bowl of batter" she said robotically, making her choice while moving over to Jake on the counter who held the big bowl out at arms length, a shocked look on his four year old face.

"Prepare to die" she threatened sarcastically as she scooped up a handful of the batter and whipped it at him, making contact with his body despite his protest as he raised his empty cutting board to shield himself.

"Oh no you don't" he retorted as he grabbed a bowl that had been sitting on the counter with saran wrap over top of it, James pulling it back to reveal the dark, sticky substance that could only be brownie batter.

"I'll never go down without a fight!" he cried as she moved to avoid the handful of batter being thrown in her direction, her back catching the tail end of the batter ball.

This went on for about another twenty minutes at least, Jake getting involved as well as he lobbed handfuls of flour whenever told to in order to create a fake smoke screen. The next thing she knew, she was holding up a dish towel as a sign of peace, the now empty bowl at her side as she stood up, standing up and walking into the ravaged battlefield that was now her kitchen.

"Truce?" he asked a second later, a towel in his hand as well with the empty batter bowl in the other.

"Truce. Oh my god, look at this place" she said as she looked around, almost every surface of her kitchen covered with yellow and brown pockmarks of batter.

"Momma and Dad made a mess" Jake called as he joined them, clumps of batter and flour covering his tiny, four year old body.

"We sure did kiddo" she sighed, giving a desperate chuckle as she looked around the room again, looking at the mess.

It was so typical James; make a mess now, clean it up later. She was more of the preventative type; don't make a mess now, don't have anything to clean up later. She sighed again and shook her head, pinching the bridge of her nose tiredly at the prospect of how much work was ahead of her.

"This place is a mess" she muttered, looking back up before cringing visibly at the sight of her absolutely destroyed kitchen.

"True, but so are we. Come on, let's get cleaned off" James said as he clapped his hands together once and then put them on her shoulders, guiding her to the back door.

"James, what the hell—" she protested, begrudgingly taking steps towards the door before stopping as the back yard came into view, automatically seeing what he was talking about.

"Oh no" she said, putting on her foot brakes as she went against his movement, turning to face him with a threatening look on her face.

"Oh yes" he teased, bending down and picking her up around the knees so that she fell over his shoulder, Jake cheering as he pushed open the door for James and Penelope, who was struggling against his grip.

"James, put me down, the water is going to be so COLLDD!" she shouted, yelling at the end of her sentence as she was doused with cold water, hearing the tick, tick, tick of the sprinkler that was running in the back.

James ran through the spray of water several more times before putting her down, both of them significantly soaked as Jake continued to run through the water jet, giggling playfully to himself.

"See, all clean" James shouted over the noise of the sprinkler, giving her such a winning smile that she had to laugh, pushing her wet hair out of her face.

"God, I haven't done this since I was a kid!" she exclaimed as she felt the water come over them again, closing her eyes to shield them before opening them back up, outright gasping at what she saw.

It was by far one of the most attractive things she'd ever seen. The sun was setting and casting a pinky orangeish glow, setting a romantic lighting on everything. His hair was plastered to his forehead and drops of water were falling from his nose but that wasn't what had captured her attention. The white shirt he'd been wearing had become almost transparent after running through the sprinkler, showing off the expanse of his chest and the definition of his muscles. She remembered how achingly she'd longed to drag her hands down his abs so long ago and as she looked at him then and there, she couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to do it all over again.

"You got a bit of dough in your hair" he said as he took a step forward, reaching out a hand as he pulled some dough from her hair, keeping his searing blue eyes locked onto her's.

She'd recognize the look he was giving her now anywhere; sure, her memory of that night five years ago was fuzzy at best, but she'd never forget the look of fire in his eyes when they'd collapsed onto her bed after a night of drinking. Every time she went over the night in her head blaming herself for the entire debacle, she remembered that look in his eyes and remembered that he'd wanted her as badly that night as he wanted him. She felt her heart skip a beat just by looking into his eyes, the feelings of eight years ago once again slowly reviving themselves.

He slowly tugged the dough from her hair, letting the back of his fingers trail down her jaw line before he tossed the stuff to the side, his eyes still locked on her. She was just opening her mouth to say something with she heard Jake yell in jubilation, clapping his little hands together.

"Momma, Daddy, come through the sprinkler with me!" he called as he rang through the water again, giving another shrilly giggle as he looked expectantly at his mom.

Pen tore his eyes off of James and looked over at Jake, giving her son a friendly smile before looking back at James, her heart still skipping beats as he gave her a wicked smile, her knees wobbling threateningly. The fire had changed to mischief in his eyes as she grinned back, trying to keep the butterflies in her stomach down. It was as if the eight years had done nothing for the way she felt about him; she was trying her best to keep everything at bay but it was if everything he did managed to break down her defences.

"Yeah," she started, keeping her eyes on James, soaking in his gorgeousness.

"Be right there"

**((Author's Note: Hey everyone. Sorry for the delay! Hope you liked the chapter, I really enjoyed writing it. The food fight to me is just adorable, so hopefully you feel the same way. This should be day four with Jake, so he has another nine to go, I think. Anyways, lemme know what you think of it, alright? Thanks in advance, you all ROCK!))**


	8. Chapter 8

**Five Years  
**

Chapter Eight

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own anything mentioned in the following fanfiction, except for the character of Penelope Richmond. She is of my own design.

* * *

"Momma!"

She woke startlingly from her sleep, her body switching almost compulsively as her eyes flew open, a flash of light illuminating her room brightly followed by a crash of thunder, her hand going to her eyes to cover them from the assaulting bright lightning.

She pushed the covers off of her and swung her legs over the side of her bed, another bolt of lightning and boom of thunder lighting up and echoing through the room as her feet touched the cool floor. She was just about to slide off the bed when she heard something else, something she hadn't expected.

"Daddy!"

She heard a distant groan before some more lightning and thunder came into the room, finally pushing herself off of her mattress and into a stand, stumbling out of the room and to the doorway just in time to see James stumble down the hallway, a hand scratching at the back of his head as he slipped on his glasses, his face etched with sleep.

"What's going on?" he grumbled as she sluggishly joined him in the hallway, the pair of them moving to Jake's room.

"He hates thunderstorms," she said as she stifled a yawn with the back of her hand, moving into Jake's room with her arms crossed over her tank top and sleeping shorts body.

"What's up, Jay Kirk?" she heard James ask as he stepped beside her, the pair of them standing beside Jake's bed as the little guy hid under the covers.

"I don't like storms, Daddy. They're scary," Jake called from underneath the covers as Penelope laughed quietly before turning to look at James who was just smiling, the pair of them exchanging such a parental look it almost unhinged her.

"Come on, Jake, let's go," she said as she pulled the covers off of the little guy's bed to reveal her son's small, curled-up form, his tiny hands covering his ears.

She watched as Jake scampered from his bed and towards the door, another crash and flash of thunder and lightning ringing throughout the house as he ran.

"He comes to my bed when there's a storm, sleeps with me," she said as she stifled a yawn, answering James' curious look with words.

"Got ya. Alright, I'm going to head to bed," he noted as they headed out from Jake's room, James halfway down the hallway, and Penelope halfway into her room when they heard Jake cry out.

"Daddy comes too!" Jake cried, halting her in her steps as she both inwardly and outwardly cringed, making a face. She was just coming out of the cringe when she spun around, her eyes immediately finding James standing in her doorway with his forearm resting on the doorframe above his head, giving her a small smile.

They just stared at each other for a few seconds, feeling her heart skip a beat as she watched his eyes rake over her body, also feeling terribly self conscious dressed in her pyjamas with no makeup on. The last time they'd been in this room was five years ago, and she had no intention of going down that road again, even though Jake was the greatest thing in her life.

"Momma, Daddy, come to bed!" Jake shouted from underneath the mountain of covers, breaking the moment they'd been having as they both looked towards the bed, glancing at each other with cautious eyes as she moved towards the bed, James staying in the doorframe.

"You coming?" she called as she climbed into bed, glancing at him expectantly. She knew nothing was going to happen between them but she still felt nervous. He hadn't been in her bed since the night Jake was conceived and now he was back on much different terms. She watched him give a chuckle and grin to himself, giving his head a shake as he walked over to the opposite side of the bed and slid under the covers to join her, both of them laying down on their pillows and turning to face each other.

"Hi," he whispered as he smirked, another bolt of lightning streaking across the room.

She laughed quietly and smirked back, adjusting her head on the pillow. She stared at him for a few seconds and was immediately struck by an epic sense of de ja vu. The smirk on his face, his head on a pillow beside her, the view from where she was laying. It all seemed so familiar.

------------------------

"_I've never cheated on a test."_

"_Lie, you were totally staring at my paper a few days ago in Linear Algebra, and you know it."_

"_James, I'm getting a 94 in Lin Al. You're getting a 62. I'm smart enough to know not to cheat off you."_

"_Fair enough. I've never done a shot of straight vodka."_

"_Truth. I think I've only ever seen you drink beer, with the occasional scotch when you're feeling regal."_

"_Hey, there is nothing more manly than a glass of premier scotch. It's testosterone in its purest form."_

_She raised her head off of her pillow, propping herself up on her elbows as she turned to look at him, a shocked and disgruntled look playing on her features._

"_That's so disturbing," she commented as he gave a chuckle, shrugging in his position before bringing his hands and placing them behind his head on the pillow, a self satisfied smirk on his lips._

_They were laying on her bed playing Truth or Lie, their version of 'How well do you know YOUR best friend?'. They were laying there looking up at the ceiling of her room, her astronomy kit set up at the centre of the room projecting an accurate version of the milky way galaxy up to the roof. Quiet jazz music, James' favourite after a long day of studying, was playing gently in the background and the room was filled with the scent of vanilla. It was all far too romantic; so romantic that she just had to shake her head at how oblivious James was to it all. They'd been friends for over two years now, and she'd been in love with him for over one and a half. What was it going to take for him to understand? Her down on one knee with a ring in her hand?_

"_That may be true, but the same goes for women. Have you ever had a cosmopolitan? Just thinking about one makes me want to get my nails done," James noted as he gave a faux shiver, giving her elbows a knock so that she collapsed back onto the pillow, James turning on his side to meet her._

"_I think this is the only girl's bed I've laid in fully dressed," he commented as he looked around the room once, Penelope's heart dropping into her chest as she remembered James' track record with women. He wasn't exactly known for his monogamy or loving nature, two things that she'd always banked on being in her selected partner. Which only added to her confusion every time she thought about why she'd fallen for someone so outside of her desired target zone. He was a great guy when he wanted to be; sweet, charming, loyal, intelligent, funny, caring. But at the same time, he had a completely unappealing side to him that she'd thankfully never seen firsthand; manipulative, monopolizing, deceiving and only driven by sex. There were two very different sides to him, and she'd only fallen in love with one of them._

"_Well, isn't that . . . wonderful," she replied awkwardly, giving him a confused look as she turned back to the ceiling, tracing our Ursa Major with her eyes._

"_But hey, look at it this way. At least I respect you enough to keep my clothes on," he noted as he flipped onto his back to look at the ceiling too, nudging her with his arm._

"_So that's what it's all about? Respect? And here I was thinking that all it was about was your emptying your balls," she teased, nudging him back as she felt her heart sink down into her stomach even further as she set into his words. Respect? That was hardly love. That was barely even like._

"_Well, it is, mainly. But at the same time I don't respect any of the women that I sleep with as much as I respect you. You're my main girl, Pen. And don't you ever forget it," he said as he nudged her again, turning to look at her with the sweetest, most genuine smile and look in his eyes that she couldn't help but grin, instantly forgetting the side of him she didn't love and falling even more for the side she did._

-----------------------

"Hi," she whispered back, giving a smile in return.

"Long time since I've been in this bed," he said as he looked around, his blue eyes lighting up as more lightning flashed through the room. They heard Jake squeal as another peel of thunder echoed throughout the room, both of them chuckling appreciatively as their son squirmed between them underneath the covers.

"Let me guess, too long?" she whispered back teasingly, giving him a wicked grin that she saw dampened his face, turning it from mischief to seriousness.

"It was never like that with you, Pen. You are my best friend, have been for the past eight years, and probably always will be," he said as he reached out and gently nudged her shoulder, his lips turning up into a careful smile.

"Do you remember that night?" she asked him slowly a few minutes later as she looked cautiously at him, unsure of whether or not she wanted to hear his answer.

She was the first to admit there was a lot about that night that she didn't remember. One thing, they were shooting back tequila shots with the crew at the Star Bar, the local Academy pub nearby campus, and the next, they were stumbling through her doorway locked at the lips while their hands pulled away their clothes. She remembered the sex, though; it'd be hard to forget. It was by far the best sex she'd ever had, and it had been oddly romantic. It wasn't as rough or quick as she'd thought it'd be; it was passionate and drawn out. She blamed it mostly on herself; it may have been random and singular for him, but for her it was the night she'd been thinking about ever since she'd fallen for him. She knew it must have meant nothing to him, but even the drunken celebratory sex had meant something to her.

But that was five years ago.

"I do. There are a lot of blanks and some fuzzy parts, but I remember being here with you and what we did," he said honestly, his face going stoic as she tried to read it.

"That's it?" she asked with fake humour, trying to mask her faint disappointment that she felt in the back of her throat. Why was she feeling disappointed by how little he remembered? She'd never expected him to have been sentimental about it all, but it was still a little sad. It used to mean a lot to her, and apparently it still did a little.

"I remember it was great, if that counts," he teased as his face broke into a grin, his eyes flashing at her in such a way that she had to smile, scoffing a laugh as she looked away.

"It was good, I'll give you that much," she agreed, giving him a grin.

"You know, you're probably going to take this the wrong way, but I'm really glad we spent that night together" he said as he rolled over onto his back, putting a hand beneath his head as he placed his other hand on his chest, looking up at the ceiling.

"Oh?" she asked curiously as she raised her head off of her pillow, glancing at him quizzically. HE was glad? That was good.

"Yeah. Because if we hadn't of gotten blitzed and had drunken celebratory sex, we never would have had Jake. And I gotta tell you, Pen, he's one hell of a kid," James said as he turned his head to the side, giving her a gentle look with his eyes that made her heart skip a beat, a small smile on his lips.

"He is," she agreed, turning onto her back to stare up at the ceiling as well.

"That night was by far the best night of my life, in more ways than one," he said as he drew her attention again, her head turning back to face him. She shot him a curious look that he only smiled at, causing her to grin in response.

"I can imagine. Getting promoted, conceiving Jake, and you got to sleep with the only girl at the Academy who didn't throw herself at you during those three years," she teased, nudging him with her elbow as she withdrew a laugh from him, turning to watch the smile on his lips grow bigger.

"Hey, there were a lot of girls I didn't sleep with," he shot back defensively, keeping the smile on his lips.

"Not by choice," she snorted, causing him to laugh again as she just smiled knowingly.

"A few were by choice. I mean, you remember what Shirley Jensen looked like, right?" he replied, this time causing her to laugh as she recalled Shirley Jensen, mentally recoiling as she thought of the girl's face.

"I'm glad that of all the chicks I could have knocked up, it was you," he said a few seconds later, turning to look at her with a friendly smile on his lips, unable to discern how incredibly obtuse his words were.

"Excuse me?" she asked as she sat up suddenly, turning to glare at him. She watched as his face passed from confused, scared, to understanding, giving her an abashed grin as he sat to talk to her.

"I mean that I wouldn't want anyone else to be the mother of my kid," he explained, placing a hand down between them as he ruffled Jake's head, the little guy giving a snore of approval.

She looked down at James' hand and then over to James' face, glancing at him critically. She took a second and stared at him right in the eyes, deciphering his level of honesty. All it took was a second and she could tell that he was being serious, and in his own James T. Kirk way, she could tell that he meant something beyond what he'd said. He said that he'd been glad she'd mothered his child, but he meant more. He was saying that he trusted her completely, that he respected her and appreciated her, and that he loved her in the most innocent way. He was trusting her with the probably already most important thing in his life; his son. And that was something that she could understand.

"Thanks, James. That means a lot...I think," she replied sarcastically, shooting him a look with her eyes that told him that she understood him, as always. 8 years may have changed a lot, but it didn't change how wholly she understood him.

"It does. You're kind of a catch, Pen," he said as he nudged her again, Pen's cheeks warming in a blush as she looked away, rolling her eyes at his clichéd-ness.

"Yeah well, seeing as you're a Starfleet Captain, I guess you aren't that bad yourself, James," she teased back as she looked at the clock, groaning as she saw what time it was.

"It's late, we should head to bed," she said as she glanced at him once, both of them nodding as they settled in.

"And now is the first time I'm going to sleep in a girl's bed with all my clothes on," he replied, referencing the very memory she'd been thinking about just a moment ago. She let out an appreciative chuckle, smiling into the pillow as she shut her eyes.

"Night, James."

"Night, Pen."

**((Author's Note: Sorry for the wait. Hope you enjoyed it! A lot of readers have been asking about when Jake will meet the crew. Rest easy, raders. That chapter will come in time. James has only been around Jake for three days now so, give it time! Anyways, thanks for all the AMAZZZINGGG support! You all ROCK!))**


	9. Chapter 9

**Five Years  
**

Chapter Nine

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own anything mentioned in the following fanfiction, except for the character of Penelope Richmond. She is of my own design.

* * *

The first thing she noticed was the smell of a familiar cologne, filling her nose with such an intoxicating scent that her head began to spin, even though her eyes were still closed and her head was still on her pillow. The next thing was a gentle, throaty hum of a tune, her ears recognizing his voice instantly. She laid still for a few seconds, taking in these two things for a little while before gently prying open an eye, seeing him as soon as she did so.

He was sitting up in bed, his glasses propped on his nose as his crystal clear blue eyes raced along the page of the book that he had in front of him, the gentle hum echoing throughout the room. She looked at him with a single eye for about a minute or so before shifting her head, drawing his attention as she shuffled on her mattress and propped herself up on her elbows, stomach down.

"Morning, sunshine" he chirped to her as he shot her a cheeky grin, watching as she groaned at the incoming rays of light as she shut her eyes, protesting the brightness.

"Morning. What time is it?" she mumbled back as she deflated back down onto her pillow, sprawling her arms out as she went face first downwards.

"Seven thirty" he said, again in the cheerful voice as he put a hand on her back and gave her shoulders a squeeze in an affectionate gesture that she hadn't anticipated. The feeling of his rough, calloused hands on her bare shoulders sent faint, unable to ignore pulses of electricity through her as his finger tips brushed along her skin. His hand retracted a second later and she stayed still, willing the electricity away before she spoke.

"Hm, I need to make breakfast" she mumbled into her pillow as she pushed herself back up, pushing herself so far back that she sat up instead, crossing her legs over each other and sitting to face her head board, James at her left.

"Look over at your bed side table" he said with discernable amusement as he kept his eyes on his book, turning a few seconds later to shoot a gentle look her way as she slowly turned to her bed side table, swallowing the gasp of breath she took when she saw what was waiting for her there.

Waiting on her bed side table was her dark, mahogany serving tray featuring a ceramic white bowl, a box of the cereal she loved, a small decanter full of milk, a single mug of steaming coffee, an apple, a banana, and a single, long stemmed white rose in a small crystal vase.

She just stared at the tray for about a minute, trying to figure it all out. Breakfast in bed was thoughtful, an adjective she never would have used to describe James. Caring and sweet definitely, but he'd never really been known for his ability to think of others. Self centeredness had always been one of his more undesirable of characteristics, but she'd always seen past it. He had enough redeeming qualities to make the way he only thought about himself seem...surmountable.

But she was starting to see a new side to him ever since he'd come back. A more open, thoughtful side, especially with Jake and herself. A side that brought her breakfast in bed and spoiled his son with chocolate ice cream and three hour hide and seek games. He was the same James that she'd fallen for years ago, but if anything he was more of a man. As if the past five years had brought about a change in him, a change for the better. A change that made her smile a little wider and her heart beast a little faster, much like it was at the current moment.

"Breakfast in bed, how...quaint" she commented, taking her eyes off the tray to look back at him, finding her heart skip another beat as she looked into his eyes, finding the look he was giving her so unnerving that she had to look back to the tray a few seconds later. It was as if he was looking straight down into her soul with the faintest of smiles on his lips, something he hadn't done in a long, long time.

"It would have been pancakes and bacon if I knew how to make pancakes and fry bacon. But I don't so, I hope cereal and fruit works" he teased as she picked up an apple and tossed it in his direction, laughing as she saw it bounce off his firm chest and roll down into his lap, giving him a smile as she reached for the coffee to take a sip.

"What's with the rose?" she asked after she took a deep gulp, finding the coffee sweetened exactly to her liking, something that made her lips twitch in a smile as she shifted lower in her bed, bringing the tray onto the mattress in front of her.

"In every movie I've seen, breakfast in bed always comes with a pretty flower" he commented as he took a healthy bite from the apple, a loud crunch echoing throughout the room.

"It also comes with some guy trying to get into the girl's pants" she teased as she opened the box of cereal to pour some into the bowl, tossing him a pointed yet humorous look with her eyes that he just smirked at, taking another bite of his apple.

"Hm, been there" he replied nonchalantly, waving the apple in the air a few times with an arrogant look on his face, garnering himself an aggressive punch on the shoulder.

"Watch it" she warned as she shot him dangerous look, going back to the tray in front of her as she poured some milk on her cereal.

"Where's Jake?" she asked a second later as she spooned some cereal up into her mouth, the crunch reverberating throughout the room.

"Moved him back to his bed a few hours ago" he replied, not bringing his eyes off of the book he had in front of him. Her spoon remained poised halfway up to her mouth as she dissected his words, cocking her head to the side in confusion as she looked at him sceptically.

"And you came back here? To my bed?" she asked incredulity, raising her eyebrows in surprise as he looked up from his book, shooting her a mischievous look with his eyes as he flipped the page before looking back down.

"Didn't want you to wake up wondering where I was" he replied back cheekily, the sarcasm and James T. Kirk arrogance in his words causing her to roll her eyes in a knee jerk reaction, giving a chuckle and a sigh as well.

"Something tells me I would have survived" she replied back with equal sarcasm as she shot him a amusing look as she took another sip from her mug, surveying him over the rim of her coffee cup.

"I'm not so sure. Remember that time we broke into the astronomy lab because we wanted more stars than just your room? You freaked out when you woke up and I wasn't by your side" he noted, drawing her attention.

She looked up from her coffee mug, her eyes locking into the headboard in front of her as she remembered what James was talking about, going off into her own memories for a few seconds.

----------------

"_No offence Pen, but this kicks the shit out of our room"_

"_None taken. It totally does"_

_They were laying on their backs in the middle of the Astronomy class room, the star imager projecting a larger, clearer version of the night sky above them and onto the dome shaped room, her eyes going to trace out constellations. He was right, this did kick the crap out of her room. It was so bad she didn't even want to use her projector anymore out of shame. The sky above them was breathtaking._

"_Just lying here makes me wish I'd passed Astronomy" he sighed as he tucked an arm behind her head, Pen giving a chuckle._

"_Just lying here makes me glad that I passed Astronomy" she countered, turning her head to the side to shoot him a humorous look that he just faux glared at, giving her a mischievous look that made her shiver down to her very core._

"_We should stay here tonight. Just me and you" he said a few seconds later, his blue eyes still locked on her's as her head remained to the side, looking at her with kind eyes and a gentle smile._

"_Here? James, we broke in!" she exclaimed as she sat up, looking at him with confusion. They couldn't stay, what if they were caught? She saw him slowly prop himself up on his elbow, a mildly amused look on his face as he surveyed her for a few seconds, her face still stricken._

"_Yes, I'm well aware, I reprogrammed the door way to let us in" he mused, keeping the same humoured look on his face._

"_We can't stay here!" she said in a shouting whisper, keeping her voice down as she shot dangerous looks all around them before shooting one right at him._

"_Why not?" he countered, looking at her expectantly._

"_What if we get caught?" she exasperated, glancing at him pleadingly in such a way that he just shrugged, lying back down as he placed both of his hands behind his head now, a smirk on his lips._

"_We'll plead the fifth. Come on, how many times are we ever going to get a chance like this, Pen?" he said as he nudged her with his knee, giving her a look with his eyes that melted her right then and there. She was a sucker for his eyes; always was and probably always would be._

"_We'll get kicked out if we get caught, James" she warned, glancing at him cautiously as she sent another look at him, looking back up to the sky a second later to seal the deal. Yeah, she was staying. The prospect of spending a night beneath such a beautiful roof would be worth whatever the Academy would throw at them if they got caught._

"_I'll take the blame. Come on, let's just stay" he said in a tone that assured her that he already knew her mind was made up but felt the need to plead regardless._

"_You're going to be the death of me someday, I swear" she muttered as she unzipped her fleece sweater, pulling it off of her arms and balling it up to make a pseudo-pillow, relaxing her head back against it._

"_Yeah, that's probably true" he mused, both of them giving an appreciative chuckle before settling into a silence that lulled her to sleep._

_She woke what seemed like a second later, her eyes slowly opening to reveal the same star sky above her, an instant smile coming to her face. She slowly brought her wrist to her eyes, seeing the numbers 7:43 glare back at her. She turned her head to her right, her heart skipping a beat when she saw empty space and skipping another beat when she looked to her left and again found nothing ._

"_James? JAMES?" she whispered in a hushed voice, sitting up abruptly as she looked wildly around the room, trying to find him. Where was he? Had he left? Why wasn't he here, by her side? Her heart was racing at a million miles an hour as she brushed some hair out of her face, her neck craning around the room._

"_Oh my god, James!?" she said aloud again in a tenser voice, finding him standing right by the doorway with a tray in his hands stock piled full of food. She felt a rush of calm wash over her, her heart settling down to a manageable rate_

"_Pen, relax. I'm right here" he said as he walked over to her, a smile on his face._

"_Jesus Christ. What the fuck were you doing?" she asked as she tossed her hair into a loose pony tail, shooting him a quizzical glance as he made his way over to her, setting down the tray in front of her before joining her on the floor._

"_Getting breakfast. Why are you so worked up?" he asked as he tossed her an apple and a granola bar, the spicy scent of citrus hitting her nose as he peeled into a orange._

"_I didn't know where you were" she noted as she bit into the apple, looking down at her hands before back up at him, her teeth ripping the bite of apple into millions of tiny pieces._

"_Aw, how sweet. You were worried about me" he teased as he playfully knocked her on the shoulder. They both laughed, Penelope's eyes rolling before she gave her head a shake, a smile on her lips._

"_God...don't do that to me again, ever" she said as she gave her head another shake, glancing up at him with careful eyes to find him smiling genuinely back at her, kindness yet mischief in his eyes. She took another bite of her apple as she watched him look down at his orange, tearing off another piece._

"_Promise. Next time we sleep over someone where, I promise not to leave your side" he said half teasingly but with gentle eyes, grinning at her in such a way that send a shiver down her spine. _

_She hadn't anticipated feeling the way she felt when she'd woken up without him by her side. It was terrifying and something she never wanted to experience again. She wanted him by her side, always. But she knew that wasn't realistic; he loved her like a sister, he'd said it many times before, and it was her own damn fault for loving him the way she did. So she just smiled back, trying to keep herself in check as she adverted her mind away from the next time they were to sleep over somewhere together and onto something else._

_----------------------_

"I remember that night" she mused after walking down memory lane, spooning some more cereal into her mouth.

"Same. Good night" he said off handily as he read his book, turning the page.

"Great night. Anyways, I should get ready for work" she said as she set down the bowl and moved over to her closet, giving her arms a stretch as she did so.

"Want me to go?" he asked as he looked up, Pen looking at him from her place by her closet with a stoic look on her face, pursing her lips.

"Uh...how about you go wake Jake up so that I can say good bye to him before I leave?" she offered as he gave a single nod, throwing the covers off of himself and moving towards the door, leaving her alone.

It was in this alone time that she became unsettled by how comfortable and at home he had looked just seconds before in her bed. It looked as if he belonged there; as if that was supposed to be where he slept. She pushed that thought from her mind and then got dressed for work, pulling on a flowy cotton white sundress that she paired with a colourful cardigan and slides to match, coming out of her bedroom dressed and ready for work ten minutes later. Her hair was down and in billowing waves on her shoulders thanks to a spritz of hairspray and she smelt of something summery and light.

"Morning sweet pea" she called to Jake who was eating cereal on the bar stool of her kitchen counter top that was halfway in the kitchen and halfway in the living room, giving her son an affectionate kiss on the head before moving into the kitchen, grabbing her reusable mug.

"They still make Sunflowers by Elizabeth Arden?" James asked as she brushed past him, moving over to her coffee maker. She whirled around a second later, her face etched with surprise, confusion, and exasperation.

"Jesus, you remember what type of perfume I use?" she exclaimed, looking at him with impression in her eyes.

"Of course I do, it was the only present I bought for you during the three years at the Academy. Birthday, Christmas, Easter...always a bottle of that same damn perfume. Kinda hard to forget something like that" he teased as he took a healthy sip from the mug in his hands, his eyes shooting her a pointed look from behind his glasses.

She just shook her head again and moved back to the coffee maker, filling up her travel mug before crossing back across the kitchen and into living room and over to her briefcase, gathering up her files.

"Well, I'm on my last bottle. They stopped making the stuff years ago so I stock piled a while back and now I'm almost finished. I'll find something else, I'm sure. Anyways munchkin, Momma's gotta go to work but Dad's gonna be here all day, alright?" she asked as she swung her briefcase over her shoulder and moved back over to Jake, giving him another kiss on the head.

"Alright, Momma" her son replied as he looked up at his mother with a sweet grin on his face, nodding a few times. She smiled back down at Jake before looking back up at James who was watching them with a faint smile, the mug still in his hands.

"See you later, James" she said with a smile before turning to go, not even making it two steps before Jake called out.

"Momma! Aren't you gonna say goodbye to Daddy?" he asked, Penelope turning back around to find Jake looking at her with four year old expectancy on his face.

"I just did cutie pie" she explained, giving her son a final smile as she turned to leave, not even making it a step this time.

"Christian's momma always gives his daddy a kiss goodbye" Jake said pointedly, making her inwardly cringe.

"Jake, it's alright. Mom's gonna be late" James explained hurriedly a second later, crossing from the kitchen into the living room to stand by his son who was perched on the counter stool, turned around to look at his mother.

"But that's what all mommy's do when they say goodbye to daddy's" Jake said with such childish innocence that it broke her heart. His face was stricken and confused, and she could tell he didn't understand what was going on. He was expecting a normal family now that his dad was home, and normal families kissed each other goodbye apparently in his mind. She couldn't blame him for that and she did want him to have a normal family more than anything.

She looked over at James expectantly, his face blank of anything. After a few seconds she gave a sigh, moving over James quickly before reaching up to peck him on the cheek, her lips making the briefest of contact with the corner of his lips.

"How's that?" she teased Jake a second after she pulled back, giving her son an expectant yet humorous look. She watched Jake laugh childishly before speaking, his words causing her heart to sink low into her stomach.

"On the lips, Momma!" Jake cried, Penelope outwardly cringing this time.

She wanted to give Jake a normal family, as did James, and normal mom's and dad's kissed. She knew that their situation was different but Jake wouldn't understand why she didn't want to kiss him or why it was going to kill her to. So instead she looked up to James to find his face painted with faint humour, his lips curled ever so slightly upwards in a smile.

"If that's what he wants..." James said quietly, Pen's eyes narrowing slightly as her lips too twitched into a smile, giving a chuckle a second later followed by a sigh.

She looked up a second later, leaning towards him and meeting him halfway in what was probably the shortest kiss in history. Her lips barely made contact with his before she pulled back, feeling all she needed to feel to verify something she'd been painfully trying to deny.

"Anymore kissing and I'm going to be late so that better be okay, mister" she teased Jake as she playfully jabbed her son, moving over to the door without even glancing up at James.

The more she thought about it, the more she recognized the way she was feeling. The butterflies in the stomach, the knots in her chest, the palpitating of the heart, the electricity at his touch and the feeling of his lips on her's; it all came back to her, just like riding a bike. She was slowly, albeit begrudgingly, falling back in love with him.

_Damn it._

**((Author's Note: So this chapter wasn't exactly finished yet but I decided to post it anyways since I felt bad about the wait! Anyways hope you enjoyed it; I know it's a little cheesy but a little cheese is good every now and again. Anyways, thanks for patiently waiting and let me know what you think!))**


	10. Chapter 10

**Five Years  
**

Chapter Ten

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own anything mentioned in the following fanfiction, except for the character of Penelope Richmond. She is of my own design.

* * *

"Higher, Momma! Higher!"

She gave a laugh and then pushed the seat of the swing as it came to her, putting some muscle into the push as she saw him inch higher in the air with his swing. Jake let out a peel of laughter a second later as he dangled his little feet while he continued to swing, Penelope's eyes locked onto her son as he swung back and forth on the swing set in front of her.

After coming home last night from work to find James feeding Jake popsicles and cookies for dinner, she decided to take the next few days off to spend time with both of them, showing James a more hands on way of being a parent, right down to how to feed your child. They'd both waken up bright and early the next morning and prepared a big breakfast together, Pen showing James how to make pancakes and how to fry bacon so that next time, he could make them for her in bed.

After stuffing themselves full of breakfast the three of them dressed in their summer clothes, Penelope throwing on a pair of jeans and a loose white button down with a purple camisole underneath while James and Jake matched in cargo shorts and plain white t-shirts, they headed off to the local park to hang out and do what normal families supposedly did. _Normal_, she had to think to herself. _That's the watchword_.

Ever since her little realization that she was stumbling back into the terrifying yet oddly soothing world of being in love with James Tiberius Kirk, she had to give herself a little credit this time around. He'd been doing such an outstanding job with Jake that she felt that regardless of their past, she probably would have fallen for him anyways. The way he looked at his son and even the way he looked at her now a days just did something to her; something in the variation of butterflies and dizziness, but something none the less.

She watched with a smile on her face as Jake's momentum on the swing slowly brought him to a halt, grinning to her son as he hopped off the swing and headed over to the monkey bar set complete with a force field on the ground to soften the blow when the youngster's fell off. She adverted her eyes from the jungle gym for a second to find James, her smile brightening almost instantly as she saw him approach with a spool of cotton candy and a vanilla ice cream cone in hand.

"Look at you, being all fatherly. I swear, by the way you're taking to fatherhood you'd think you'd fathered children before" she teased as he came to her side, shooting her an amused yet un-amused look with his eyes that she just smirked at, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Still like cotton candy?" he asked a second later as he handed her the balloon of sugary confection, gesturing for Jake to come over with the other hand.

"Do birds still fly?" she retorted sarcastically, taking the pink bubble and pulling off a section, revelling in the way the cottony candy just melted on her tongue.

She hadn't had cotton candy in years. She halted the piece she had in her hand poised to make it to her mouth when she realized just how long it'd been since she'd had cotton candy. Six years, three months and...four days ago, she realized as she checked her watch.

------------------

"_So you go to the Academy?"_

_She looked up from the toy phaser gun she had in her hand from winning a carnival game, one that required her to pop balloons with a ray gun. The twenty one year old in front of her was cute in the way only locals were; sun bleached blonde hair, freckles dusted across every inch of skin, and sea foam green eyes that she swore looked exactly like the sea. He was cute; but he was no James._

"_Yeah, the cadets were given a weekend pass to come check out the city. We ended up here" she said as she tucked some of her beachy waved hair behind her ear as she gave a smile, gesturing to the carnival around them._

_Twenty or so odd recruits had been given a weekend pass from the Academy in order to relax and recharge after an intense few weeks of study. James and herself, along with a few of their friends from their inner circle had headed out to the beach for a day of surfing and sun before ending up at a clambake on the board walk. She'd lost them all in the fray of people and was now being chatted up by some of the local talent._

"_Awesome. What do you study there?" he pried as he sipped from his cup, the faint smell of beer lingering in the air from his breath._

"_Theoretical physics, mainly. I dabble in some Astronomy and a little bit of Transport Tech but, Physics is my major. What about yourself, do you go to school somewhere?" she asked as a gentle wind washed over them and played with the hem of her white cotton sun dress. _

"_I go to USC. SoCal" he replied with such definition and confidence that she had to suppress a laugh. USC? That was like grade three compared to the Academy._

"_Wow. What do you study there?" she asked, feigning interest. She didn't know why she was bothering; she felt great. She was rocking a solid caramel tan, her hair was down in gentle waves, and the cotton sundress was hugging her in all the right places. So why, oh why, was she wasting it on a USC student who didn't hold a candle to James?_

"_Recreation and Leisure Studies" he replied once again with confidence, Penelope this time biting down on her lip to stop herself from laughing out loud._

"_Wow. Rec and Leisure. Wow" she said, once again faking it. She felt her lips bear a fake smile as she tried to remain gauged into the conversation, finding her attention waning as he spoke on._

"_People say it's a bird major but there's some intensive work to be done. Just last week, I had an exam on the origins of games. Nearly blew my mind" he explained as he gave his head a shake before taking another sip of his drink._

"_So what do you plan on doing with that?" she asked, trying to find some last pieces of hope for the guy. He was fading pretty quickly in her eyes._

"_I don't really know yet. I'm still like, testing the waters and everything. Just kind of partying a lot and doing the fraternity thing on campus. You know fraternities, right? People say it's kind of archaic but you know, it's a brotherhood. I'm a Gamma Sig. You should totally come by and check out the house sometime" he said as he leant in towards her, putting the final nail in his coffin as he smirked wickedly down at her and let out a breath of beer-smelling air. She'd tried really hard to like someone else, but he just didn't compare. As cute as he was, studying Rec and Leisure at a state school while being in a frat just didn't match James in any way. _

"_Yeah, that'd be uh...great" she replied with a fake smile as she took a step back from him, mentally giving a sigh of defeat. She hated doing this._

_She snaked her left hand behind her back and put up two fingers in a peace sign, her signal for James to come fake being her boyfriend._

_They had a whole system devised for whenever they needed help. One finger meant 'STAY AWAY! Things are going good'. Two fingers meant 'Fake boyfriend time' and three fingers meant 'Get me out of here, now!'. It always worked out quiet well for them, really. Of course, she put up two or more digits far more often than he did, but that didn't bother her. Much._

_Without fail, a second later she felt a body saddle up beside her, a pair of warm lips press themselves against her temple as a pillow of pink fluffiness came into her sights._

"_Sorry pretty girl, the line at the candy spinner was longer than ever. Whose this?" James asked a second later as he draped a hand across her shoulder's possessively as he peered at the guy in front of them questionably, the guy now looking thoroughly confused._

"_Ah, Hansen meant James, my boyfriend. James, meet Hansen. He goes to USC for Rec and Leisure. He's in a frat" Penelope said with fake enthusiasm, giving Hansen a generous smile before turning back to James, his eyes giving her a wicked look before turning back to Hansen._

"_Ah. Well, we all can't be future space diplomats, now can we? Anyways, we gotta get going, Sugar, if we want to make the movie. It was nice meeting you, Jensen" James said as they turned to go, giving the confused looking surfer a wave with his hand before heading off, his arm staying across her shoulders until they were far down the boardwalk and out of sight._

"_He looked like a nice guy, what was wrong with him?" he asked as they hopped up on the boardwalk railing, his eyes turning to look at her quizzically._

_She gave a sigh, trying not to shake her head in irony. What was wrong with him? Well, for starters he wasn't you._

"_He just wasn't...enough" she fumbled a few seconds later, shrugging her shoulders as she looked away from him and back down the boardwalk, closing her eyes to try and steady herself. It'd be so easy to just blurt it all out and lay her feelings down on the line but she didn't want to risk their friendship. He was her best, best friend, and she didn't want to challenge that in any way._

"_Cheer up, Pen. You'll find someone eventually. You're too big of a catch not too" he commented as he reached out a hand and place it on her shoulder, giving it a squeeze. She gave a quiet chuckle, once again struck by the inevitable irony of the situation. So she did what she always did, she shook it off and kept the secret to herself, the sanctity of their friendship in tact._

"_Yeah. I know there's someone out there for me" she said wisely and knowingly, a deep sense of knowing rooted down into her bones telling her that her someone was sitting right beside her with a hand on her shoulder, his eyes boring into her's and a smile on his lips._

_He was definitely her someone._

_-----------------_

"This is nice" he said as they moved over to a bench after Jake had scampered over and relieved his dad of the dripping ice cream cone, running off to enjoy it while sitting in the local jungle gym. They were sitting close together, Penelope all too aware of the way his arm was draped across the back of the bench with his finger tips gently brushing against her shoulder, the pair of them enjoying the mid afternoon sun.

"Yeah. It is" she replied honestly as she plucked another piece of cotton candy off of the spindle, James reaching over to take a piece as well.

"Feels like a family, doesn't it?" he asked as he turned his head to give her a grin, his eyes sending an ever so faint shiver down her spine.

"In an unconventional, we're not married and you're leaving in less than seven days...yeah. It does" she bite back with unintentional venom, giving him a fake smile that seemingly caused his happy, content face to slowly slide away.

"You been thinking about it much?" he inquired as he looked back towards the jungle gym in front of him, Penelope watching him for a second watch his son with hawk like eyes of protection.

"Everyday. I just can't figure out what you're going to say to him to make it all okay" she replied back honestly as she turned to face him, angling her towards him to focus her attention on him and his on her.

"Well maybe I don't have to say anything. Maybe I can just stay" he said as he brought his eyes of the gym and onto her's, raising his eyebrows expectantly.

"James, come on—" she started, her eyes going to his hand as he raised it to interrupt.

"Just here me out, Pen. I want to be here, with you and with Jake. This is my life now, and I can't imagine not having you two in it anymore" he explained, giving her a pointed look.

"How about the Enterprise? Can you imagine life without her?" Penelope pried, pressing him for information.

"Yeah, I can. Very easily, actually. That's just a job, that doesn't matter. Jake growing up and me being here with you, helping you raise him, is all that matters now" James replied as he gestured to Jake by turning to look at his son who was still devouring the ice cream. She watched him look at Jake for a few seconds, a small smile coming to his face, before his eyes returned to her.

"James, that's incredibly sweet and I love you for it but it's not that easy. This isn't your life. Making lunches and taking him to soccer practice. This is my life, and I like it" she explained, this time her eyes looking over at Jake as James' stayed trained on her's.

It was true. A part of her was internally squealing at how involved James wanted to be and in a way it intensified the renewed feelings she'd been having for him. But a bigger part, the part that was still his best friend, saw other wise.

"Why can't it be our life?" he exasperated, giving her a pleading look with his eyes as she looked back over to him.

"Because it doesn't work that way, James. You shouldn't have to give up one thing you love in order to have another" she offered, raising her eyebrows in expectation.

"I can live without being on the Enterprise" he said stubbornly, Penelope taking a deep breath to try and reason with him. He just didn't see the big picture.

"What are you going to do then, hm? For a job?" she asked, gazing at him critically.

"Get a teaching job at the Academy. Advanced Combat Techniques or Intergalactic Relations. Five years on a Starship equips you with a very particular skill set, Pen. I would know" he offered as he gave a rye smile, his lips crooked as they tilted upward.

"A skill set that's only put to good use aboard a ship. James, I'm your best friend and I know you better than you know yourself. Trust me when I say that you wouldn't be happy being here. Teaching isn't your thing. You're destined for so much more" she said plainly, giving her head a single shake as she just looked at him.

"And you weren't?" he countered, this time shaking his head as he looked away for a second.

"I was never born to be on a ship. I'm homey and a creature of habit. But you...James, anything is possible for you. You shouldn't have to settle for an ordinary life when you were meant for something extraordinary" she explained in a soft voice as she gently nudged his knee with her own, bringing his attention back to her.

"Then come with me. Both of you. The Enterprise has a small contingent of children already and we are in need of a new Engineer" he said as he looked back at her, nudging her back.

A part of herself twanged at him saying that, her eyes narrowing slightly in defense as she contemplated his suggestion.

"I refuse to uproot Jake from his life. This is his home. He has friends here. Besides, a starship is far too dangerous an environment for our son. I refuse" she said sharply, cutting off that idea before it even had room to blossom.

She remembered her days on the Enterprise quite vividly and just how many people they lost. If she had her way, Jake would never have to know such fear. The life of a crew member is too dangerous for her son; she'd never allow it. Not at four years old and not when he is practically the only thing she has.

"I don't want to leave him, Pen. I want him in my life" he said definitively as he looked back at Jake, his body language signalling to her that this conversation was over.

"I can't tell you what to do, James. If you stay, great. You'll have a big part in his life, I can promise you that. But you'll slowly begin to resent it, because I know you love being aboard the Enterprise. So just think about that before you start promising him a life where you're here all the time" she said finally as she just gazed at his profile, staring into his turned away eyes.

"Fair enough" he said eventually, the conversation ending for now but nowhere near over.

They set into a comfortable silence, James' arm draping itself once again along the back of the bench as she leaned unintentionally back into it, feeling the ghosts of his fingertips on her arms. She was just about to say something when he chimed in instead.

"I called Uhura yesterday. She said she'd love to see you. Same with Sulu, Chekov, Bones, Spock and Scotty. I figured we would go grab dinner at Nico's so that they can meet Jake and then drinks at Galaxy like old times?" James said, turning his head to look at her with a peaceful smile on his lips that drew a similar one onto her own.

"Sounds good. I'll get a sitter for Jake" she said as she nodded and looked over to her son, watching as he climbed his way across a set of monkey bars.

"No need. Apparently Momma Uhura's in town and almost lost it when she found out we had a kid" James said amusedly, the pair of them exchanging knowing looks before sharing a chuckle, Penelope giving her head a shake as she sighed.

"No, Ny's mom is in town? God, I bet she loved that" she scoffed, shaking her head again.

Although she and James had been the best of friends at the Academy, there were others they socialized with. Penelope and Nyota's friendship had grown slowly over the three years they were together, the pair of them really only becoming good friends during their last year since they shared many classes. Her friendship with Bones was based almost wholly on James and their efforts to try and get him to focus on something other than women. Despite that, she always knew that the Doctor was a great guy and a great friend when need be. Her relationships with Spock, Sulu and Chekov had all developed during the few days they spent aboard the Enterprise together, but the friendships were solid regardless.

There's something about having an infinite amount of near death experiences with the same group of people that bonds you to each other like nothing else.

So at the prospect of seeing them all, she felt her heart give a flutter and some butterflies twitter around in her stomach. It'd been a long time since she'd seen them, and a lot had changed. They were all going to find out about her and James' night of drunken passion and they were all going to meet the result of that night. It killed her nerves, knowing that they were going to know, but at the same time she knew that they would all love Jake none the less. And, it'd been a long, long time since she'd had a night out.

"She loved it so much she offered to take Jake for the night so we could all catch up" James replied as she looked at his rolling eyes and laughed, looking over at her son.

"Well, I'd like to see them all before you guys head out in five days so why not?" she answered as she looked over at James with expectant eyes, the pair of them sharing a secret smile before they both turned their attention toward their son.

"It'll give you a chance to feel young again. You're only 27, Pen. You're too young to be acting like you're 45" James cut in a second later, gently tickling her with his hand.

"I do not act like I'm 45!" she protested in a knee jerk reaction, swatting him on the arm. She glared over her shoulder at him for a second before looking back at Jake, her brow furrowed.

"When's the last time you went out? And actually went out, not just grabbing dinner with a friend. Like hot dress, sexy heels, game face on going out? Chances are it was the same night Jake was conceived and that just isn't right. A face like yours Pen needs to be shown off. Too pretty not too" he said as she slowly looked back over to him with a critical look on her face, staying deadly still as he raised a hand and ran the back of his fingers along the cut of her jaw line.

She had to suppress the shiver his touch gave her. Immediately she thought back to their ghost of a kiss yesterday and how even the faintest moment of contact had made her feel. She cursed herself for not being able to just bury her feelings for him and let it all be. She hated that after five years he still did something to her that she couldn't explain. But most of all, she hated that after five years, she still hadn't managed to find enough courage to just tell him how she felt.

"You know, I think there's a compliment buried in there somewhere" she griped humorously as she turned back to Jake, smiling to her bouncing son as he came bounding over to his parents. He jumped into both of their laps, the pair of them chuckling appreciatively as they exchanged content looks, Jake snuggling between them.

"There is, Penny. Trust me" he said finally as he caught her eyes again, something flashing through them so quickly that she didn't really believe she even saw it to begin with.

It was the same fire she'd seen in his eyes a few days ago standing soaking wet in her back yard covered in cookie dough, and the same look she'd seen on that fateful night five years ago. It was the passion filled, lusty, desiring look that a part of her would give anything to see in his eyes on a daily basis.

Another part of her, however, would do perfectly fine never seeing that look again.

**((Author's Note: Dun dun dun! It's almost here! Next chapter will be the Jake meets crew chapter all of you have been DYING to see/read! Also, look for a chapter written in James' POV soon too. Need to see where his head is at. Anyways, thanks for all the super words of encouragement! You all ROCK! Lemme know what you think of this chapter and see you all soon!)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Five Years  
**

Chapter Eleven

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own anything mentioned in the following fanfiction, except for the character of Penelope Richmond. She is of my own design.

* * *

"Wow, Momma, you look pretty!"

She looked off to the side of the mirror as she fiddled with her earring, smiling at Jake who was standing in the washroom doorway with a shocked, giddy look on his face. She was just fastening her dangling silver earrings when she saw James come into the doorway behind Jake, his eyes locked on his cuff as he messed with his cufflink.

Her breath caught in her throat as she looked at him, her eyes dragging themselves up and over the expanse of his body as she took in how he looked. It was simultaneously the sexiest yet classiest he'd ever looked; dressed in black dress pants and a crisp black dress shirt, he tucked it in but had the sleeves rolled up to about his elbows and a few buttons undone at the top. His hair was neatly tousled and his eyes were sparkling and bright, something she realized as soon as he looked up and into the mirror a second later.

"Wow," he said in an almost whisper, his voice barely audible as she lowered her hands from her earring with a shy smile.

"You don't look too shabby yourself, sailor," she teased as she looked back at herself in the mirror to finish up her look. Her hair was down and in tumbling curls, falling romantically over her shoulders and framing her face delicately. Her brown eyes were sharper and more vivid, rimmed in dark kohl liner with a smoky shadow on her lids that seemed to make her stare smoulder. Her lips were finished with a matte pale pink and her skin seemed to sparkle in the light. Not half bad, if she did say so herself.

She ran a brush of translucent powder along the bride of her nose before spritzing herself with her perfume, shooting him an amused look.

"Sunflowers," she said as she raised her perfume bottle for him to see, catching him in a stare.

"What? Oh, yeah. Sunflowers. Wow, Pen, you look . . . ," he said as she turned to look at him, resting her hands on the counter behind her as she stood up on her heels, trying to keep her legs from teetering.

It was hardly her everyday wear. She knew the dress was something so far out of her range of fashion that everyone was going to be stunned, and that was exactly why she'd bought it. She'd spent the past five years wearing kid friendly clothing as she raised Jake. She was going to have her first night out in a while, and she was determined to make the most out of it; sexy dress, sky high heels and all . Plus, she'd read in a magazine a few weeks ago that when going to reunions, one should always strive to look their best. And for some reason, she knew that her best wasn't jeans and a cotton tank.

"I know. Not exactly something a single mother, professor of theoretical physics would wear," she teased as she turned back towards the mirror to fiddle with her dress, tugging at the hem line.

She'd gone to the mall earlier that day with only two requirements for her dress; one, it had to be purple and two, it had to be something special; and both of those requirements revolved around James. She remembered during their three years at the Academy that he'd mentioned on more than one occasion how great she looked in purple; _"It brings out your eyes"_, she could still hear him say so that's where the colour preference came from. The specialness was just to make the night something to remember; she didn't know when she'd been seeing all of them again, including James, so she wanted to make an impression. Nothing wrong with that, right? Sure, deep down she knew her desire to look good was rooted in her undeniable renewed affection for James, but she was choosing to ignore that. It was a little too clichéd for her to swallow as her true intention, so she stuck to the 'night to remember' shtick she took time perfecting.

The stylist at the department store she'd gone into looking for a dress took one look at her and managed to fetch a dress for her so perfect that she thought the woman was a mind reader. It was a dull metallic amethyst in colour and hugged her in all the right places, while remaining classy and age appropriate. She loved it, and she knew that James and everyone else would too. They'd always complained during their time at the Academy that Penelope's idea of a dress was her knee length, turtleneck Cadet dress, so she was planning on stunning them all.

The shoes on her feet were four inch silver works of art that seemed to elongate her already mile long legs to even longer lengths. They were about three inches taller than anything else she owned and cost about the price of four or five pairs of sneakers, but the stylist at the store she'd been shopping at earlier that day said they went fantastically with the dress she'd picked out, so she gave in and bought them. But as she stood on them now, her feet wobbling minutely due to the highness of the heel, she was second guessing that decision.

"No, it's really not," he added in, a few seconds later after he finally finished taking her in, taking a step into the bathroom as he scratched the back of his head with a confused look on his face.

"Damn," he said with finality as she gave her curls another spritz of hair spray, his lips pursing together as he let out a low whistle.

"Stop it," she chided as she glared at him humorously in the mirror, feeling her heart skip a beat from the look in his eyes. She looked away a second later and began collecting the things she needed to put into her black clutch purse, busying herself to keep her mind off of how devilishly handsome he looked. She remembered the last time he wore a dress shirt around her, and even more, she remembered how it looked on her bedroom floor the next morning when she woke up.

"We uh . . . We should get going. We don't want to be late," he said a second later, Penelope catching out of the corner of her eye his head shaking and a hand going to his face to rub his eyes.

"Yeah, you're right. Is Jake ready?" she asked as she stuffed her lip gloss and pressed powder into her clutch before moving back into her bedroom, gathering her handheld communicator, license, credit card, and some cash.

"Yep, all dressed. Gotta say ,Pen, kid wears slacks better than I do," James teased as he followed her out of the washroom and into her bedroom, standing in the doorway watching her as she stuffed everything into her small bag and grabbed the black cardigan she'd put on her bed before moving towards the door.

"Well, the kid has two awfully good looking parents, so I expect nothing less. Jacob George Kirk, are you ready to go?" she called into the hallway as they headed down, Jake popping out of his bedroom a second later with a big grin on his face.

"You bet, Momma!" he cried as he adjusted the green paisley tie around his neck that stood in stark contrast with his black dress pants and crisp white shirt. He looked adorable in his little get up, his dark brown hair neatly tousled and his blue eyes sparkling with the delight only a night out with his parents could bring.

"Jacob Kirk, you look mighty dashing if I do say so myself," she said as she bent down to his level to further adjust his tie, giving her son a big smile in return before playfully nudging his nose with her own in an Eskimo kiss.

"Alright, let's go," she said finally as she stood back up and reached down to grab Jake's hand, the three of them moving out of the hallway and into the foyer. She took one final look in a mirror, catching James' eyes for the briefest of seconds, before they headed towards the door, Penelope's stomach butterflies revving up at the idea of introducing her and James' son to the people she almost lived with for three years while at the Academy. They didn't stop fluttering around for the entire forty five minute drive to the restaurant and got even worse as they got out of the car.

"Relax, Pen, they're going to love him," James soothed as she slid out of the car, reaching out to take his hand for stability.

"It's not that. It's just . . . god, what are they going to think of me? No offense, James, but you slept with a lot of girls at the Academy, and I'm not exactly proud to be one of them," she hissed in retaliation as Jake stood obliviously at James' side, peering up at his parents with big, blue eyes. Some of her best friends were just a mere short walk away from where she was right now and the entirety of the situation was hitting her in full force as they stood there.

"You're not proud? Penny, we have an amazing son," James replied in a hushed tone, his eyes narrowing in confusion and disbelief as she continued to glance around nervously, not keeping her eyes on one thing for more than one second at a time.

"I know that, James, I do. But what I'm not proud of is being a proverbial notch in your bed post," she sniped at him in a quiet voice as Jake just continued to stand there with a smile on his face.

"I already told you, it wasn't like that—" he started before she cut him off.

"Maybe not, but seriously, James. I prided myself on not being one of those . . . friendly girls you slept with. Now, I thank God everyday for bring Jake into my life, but that doesn't change how I feel about being on par with Georgie Simpson or Kandi Kristianson," she cut in bitterly, glaring off into an opposite direction with a scowl on her face.

"Penelope . . . look at me," James said in a low voice a few seconds later, tilting her head back to face his with his curled index finger.

"You are not on par with Georgie or Kandi. You are my best friend, and you mean the world to me, Pen. You and Jake. I'm so proud of that night, because it gave me Jake, and you should be too. Forget about the rest of it. They'll all be too caught up in meeting the little guy that they won't even remember all the rest of that stuff," James said quietly as she looked at him dead in the eyes, his sapphire orbs peering comfortingly into hers as he ran a hand down her naked arm, his hand gently lingering around hers as their finger tips brushed each other.

"Alright?" he asked a second later as he interlaced their digits, her skin almost blazing on fire as her sense became all too aware of his hand in hers and his eyes on hers as well. She both craved and hated what he did to her.

"Yeah," she said eventually as she let out a breath, looking back down at Jake who was still standing beside James with a smile on his lips, her son's blue eyes immediately squashing all the butterflies in her stomach.

"Ready to go meet Momma and Daddy's friends, little man?" she asked as she playfully ruffled Jake's hair with her free hand as her son ran away with a giggle, Penelope and James remaining hand in hand as they followed Jake towards the entrance to the restaurant.

It felt oddly comforting, walking hand in hand with James. Comforting and normal, as if she had done it every day for the past twenty seven years; as if she were born to do it. It was comforting, normal, and unnerving. She didn't want to feel this way about him, not if he was leaving in five days. She hated her heart for stumbling back into the oddly soothing world of being in love with James Tiberius Kirk, because she knew how hard it was going to be to fall back out of love in five days time.

The minute the door to the restaurant opened, her ears were hit by the sound of gentle jazz music, her nose was hit by the scent of spicy oregano, and her eyes were assaulted by darkness, the only type of darkness that came with a really expensive restaurant and dim lighting. She took one step into the dinner place and immediately felt like she stepped into a time travelling machine; Nico's had been their regular spot for a dinner out back at the Academy, and she had spent so many hours with James, Nyota, and Leonard in it that she thought they ought to be shareholders. And by the looks, sounds, and smell of things, nothing had really changed.

She approached the Maître d's podium and gave her the name that James had told her the reservation was made under. The stiff looking middle aged man manning the post moved off to the side and asked them to follow him, Penelope's stomach giving a final flop as she grabbed Jake's hand and felt James' press itself lightly against her lower back. Once again she was immediately calmed by his presence and she glanced over her shoulder at him, finding his face very close to hers with a smile on his lips and faint mischief in his eyes that made her spine shiver. She looked away a second later and focused on not tripping in her heels, stepping carefully as they followed the waiter into the restaurant and back to the private party section she knew all too well.

"Penelope! Oh my god!" she heard Nyota Uhura's all too familiar voice shriek as the tall, leggy dark skinned beauty came into view. They finally stepped into the semi secluded room, and the entire party became privy to their presence, seven sets of eyes flickering between James, herself, and Jake. Penelope just stood there, her hand gripped firmly onto her son's as she awkwardly bathed in the attention, a silence settling in for a few seconds as the all became aware of the little person standing beside her.

"Let's just get this out of the way, shall we?" she said structurally as she moved to stand behind Jake, placing her hands on his shoulders.

"Everyone I'd like you to meet Jake. Our son," she said with a smile as she ridded herself of any withstanding nervousness and let herself be immensely proud of the boy standing in front of her. She felt a hand gently tickle her lower back and she cocked her head ever so slightly to the side in acknowledgement. James was right; she had nothing to be ashamed about. She was utterly blessed to have Jake. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Nobody moved from their spots around the small bar in the corner of the room for a few seconds as she watched them all just stare at Jake, taking him in critically. It was Nyota's Mother who made the first move.

"Well, I'll be. This may be the handsomest four year old I've ever laid my eyes on," she said in the same caring yet playful tone that made Nyota's mom so unique. Penelope watched as the elderly yet still youthful women wearing a black and white traditional African dress swished forward towards them with a winning smile on her face, her eyes still trained in on Jake.

"Jacob Kirk, I'm Elenya Uhura. It's a pleasure to meet you, son," Elenya said as she bent down slowly to get on level with Jake before sticking out a hand in greeting, Penelope and James watching the exchange along with the others.

"It's nice to meet you too, Mrs. Uhura!" Jake said with the clutch of four year old enthusiasm, his remark enlisting a gentle chuckle from all present parties as Penelope ruffled his hair.

This seemed to break the ice considerably, as second later the rest of them all moved forward. Nyota, Spock, Chekov, Scotty, Sulu, and Leonard all took turns introducing themselves to Jake before moving onto greeting Pen and James, Jake running off with Elenya who moved to the table set for dinner to sit down and chat with the youngster.

"Nice work, you two," Leonard or Leo as she affectionately used to call him, chirped as soon as Jake was out of ear.

"Easy," Penelope warned as she accepted the martini class full of pink liquid Nyota handed to her, the Communication officer looking absolutely stunning in a curve hugging, off the shoulder midnight blue dress.

"He's right though, Pen, he's such a cutie," Nyota gushed in response as she placed a hand on Penelope's forearm, shooting her a playfully pained look as they looked over to the dinner table where Elenya was showing Jake something she had in her purse.

"So how old is the little tyke?" Scotty asked a second later as he sipped generously from his crystal tumbler filled decently with amber liquid and ice. The Engineer was dressed in black slacks and a dark green dress shirt that was tucked in and styled like James', Scotty looking every bit as Scottish and cheery as he use to.

"He's four," Penelope responded as she took a healthy sip from her glass, knowing that her comrades were smart enough to put it all together.

"Four? How can dat . . . oye," Chekov said confusedly before he put the pieces together for himself, an awkward realization setting in amongst them.

"He seems like a great kid, guys," Sulu observed as they once again looked over at Jake and Elenya, who were rooted in what looked like a deep conversation.

"I would have to agree. The child seems to be quite genetically superior," Spock chimed in as he voiced his opinions for the first time, keeping his usual stoic attitude and stern looking face about him as he added his two cents into the pot.

Five years hadn't affected her Spock-translation skills at all, she was happy to see. He had said that Jake was genetically superior, but she understood that he meant that he too thought that Jake was a great child. She smiled both inwardly and outwardly to herself. Five years had changed a lot, but some things had stayed the same.

The eight adults mingled around the bar for a while as Elenya and Jake continued bonding at the table, Penelope fitting right back into the swing of things as if she'd never left. The conversation eventually moved off of Jake and Penny and James' tumultuous one night stand to other things, Penny learning about the new upgrades the Enterprise was undergoing and just exactly how James had spent the past five years aboard her.

"I still remember that one time we were engaged right outside the Alpha quadrant, and we were still so worked up from our last encounter with the Klingons that Sulu accidentally destroyed a communication satellite," Nyota mentioned as they all gave an appreciative chuckle while the each nursed separate drinks. She was sitting on one of the bar stools with her Cosmo resting on the bar top while James was holding court right behind her, resting his arm on the edge of the bar so that she was almost sitting into him, an easy smile on his face as he remembered what Nyota was talking about.

"God, Fed reamed me out about that for weeks. It was this new state of the art com satellite that they'd just installed, and Sulu blew it to hell and back. Three billion dollars of technology destroyed in seconds at the hands of a trigger-happy helmsmen," James added mockingly as Sulu bashfully looked down at his dress shoes, the Asian man grinning embarrassedly as his crew mates chuckled at his mess up.

"Yeah yeah, laugh away. But in my defence, they shaped the thing like a Klingon war bird. They were kind of asking for it to get destroyed," Sulu said in pathetic defence of himself, enlisting another round of laughter from them all.

"Ever miss it, Pen?" Nyota asked a second later from her own perch on the bar stool next to her, surveying Pen with the same gentle yet fiery eyes Uhura was known for.

"Sometimes. But then I remember how absolutely terrifying those few days were, and then I look at Jake and realize I wouldn't trade my life now for anything," she said honestly, giving a genuine smile to her old friend before looking back over to Jake and Elenya, smiling deeper.

"You're teaching at the Academy, right?" Sulu asked in clarification as she took a sip from her cocktail, nodding a few times.

"Yeah. Theoretical physics and transportation technology," she said as she grinned at Scotty, her response withdrawing an appreciative smile from the engineer.

"Aye, our favourite! How are the kids doing? Any rising talents I need to be worried about?" Scotty asked as the rest of them listened intently, Penelope smiling to herself.

"No. The only person you need to be worried about taking your job is me," she teased as she finished off her cocktail and signalled to the bartender to make her another one, feeling the effects of her first alcoholic drink in a while. She'd never been a particularly big drinker so even after one drink she felt her blood begin to course hotter than usual. The bartender was just refilling her glass with the sugary pink liquid when she felt gentle finger tips running themselves along the back of her dress on her bare skin, exciting her body and causing goosebumps to immediately emerge.

"So you're a Dad, eh, James. Well, can't say I didn't see that one comin'. But you sure picked one hell of lady to have a kid with, that's for sure," Leo said as he raised his glass to her in acknowledgement, Penelope grinning back at the Doc, who was showing a rare and fleeting smile. He was dressed in dark pants and a crimson red shirt that brought out both his sea-foam green eyes and his moody scowl.

"Funny enough, that's what he said, too," Pen chimed in teasingly as she looked over her shoulder at James who just grinned back down at her, giving her a concealed wink that made her heart flutter.

The conversation lead to something else and eventually broke off into two different sections, leaving Penny and James with Leo while the others discussed something else.

"So how is he, is he healthy?" Leo demanded as he glared with clinical intensity over to Jake at the table before back at Penny, his eyes stern.

"As far as I know, and as far as the Doctors can tell," Penny chipped in with a smile, doing nothing to ease Leo's gaze.

"Still. Kid looks a little skinny. You sure you're feeding him enough? Does he have all his vaccines?" Leo asked with the same demanding tone as he shot another look over at Jake, withdrawing a quiet chuckle from Penny.

She should have expected this. Three years of being Leo's friend had given her great insight into his mind, starting with the fact that the Doctor part of his brain never really quite shut off. He was constantly diagnosing and running through treatment plans in his mind, something she learned to admire about him. So the scrutiny she was now facing about Jake's health care was something she should have expected.

"Everything's in tip top shape Leo, I promise," Penny replied with a rye smile as Leo continued to mumble things under his breath to himself.

"I know I said this already but . . . you two did good. He seems like one hell of a brat," Leo said with unusual sincerity as he looked back over to them, nodding to them once before looking away.

"Thanks Bones. He's a good kid, you should get to know him," James added as he took a sip from his crystal tumbler a quarter filled with a deep amber liquid, a mischievous smile playing on his lips as Penny's eyes flickered from him back to Leo whose face was now blanched.

"Alright now, let's not get ahead of ourselves. I said he seems like a good kid, not that I want to be a babysitter," Leo chided as he shot Penny and James stern looks, taking a hefty swig from the bottle of beer he had in his hands. They both chuckled appreciatively as the Doctor just stood there unknowing, shooting them another set of dangerous looks that they both just grinned at.

"So what are you two doing anyways. Living in sin, I hear?" Leo prodded in his typical bluntness, a faint blush coming to her cheeks instantly.

"We're not living in sin, Leo. James is just staying with me so he can have a more hands on role in everything," Penelope explained, thankfully without stuttering as she took another dainty sip of her drink, tossing a few curls over her shoulder and out of her face as she watched Leo raise his eyebrows and look down at his beer.

"I'm sure he's putting his hands on something," Leo said as Penny blushed again, glaring at the Doctor while James just chuckled quietly.

"Easy," she hissed at him again as her eyes flashed warningly towards the Doc who was just staring at her pointedly. She knew Leo had a point; the two of them living together did raise eyebrows, especially with their history. But still, he didn't have to go insinuate anything.

"Oh, come on. He put his hands on it five years ago, so you can't kill a guy for thinking that he still is," Leo said plainly as her blush deepened, Penny now too distraught with embarrassment to even come back to that.

"Take it easy, Bones. I'm just staying with her to get to know Jake," James cut in as he saved her, Penny once again feeling his finger tips ghost themselves along the top hem of her dress on her back.

"Why? We're leaving in less than a week and we're not scheduled back for years. What's the point?" Leo asked critically as his green eyes glanced harshly over at James who face went still, a faint smile on his lips as his eyes fell from the Doctor over to Penny who was now turned to look at him.

"The point is I want him to know his Dad isn't a jerk. That his Dad is a good man doing good work and that I love him very much. It doesn't matter if I'm leaving. I just want him to know that," James said in a fleeting moment of vulnerability that she knew was hard for him to show, a side of him that only she and Leo had ever had the privilege of seeing.

"But why?" Leo pressed, his professional mind unable to comprehend James' emotions at the moment. There was a silence between them all as the two of them watched James look down at his glass and give a small shrug, his shoulders rising and falling.

"Because that's what I would have wanted to know about my dad," he replied in a quiet voice, Penny's heart sinking into her stomach as her eyes kept themselves locked onto James' face, his head still pointed down.

Words couldn't describe the fury of emotions and thoughts brewing in her. At his words, she felt both immensely sad and proud of what he'd said. Sad because she knew how not knowing his father had affected him and proud because of the man that he'd become. She finally understood why James was so determined to be in Jake's life, if even for a short while. She finally got it.

But more than anything, she felt a sudden surge of pure love shoot straight through her chest. It was incalculable and infallible, her love for him. This was him, the guy she loved, in his purest form. No strings, no holding back. Just James Tiberius Kirk, the caring, gentle, kind, funny, intelligent, compassionate man she'd grown to love five years ago and never really got over.

Neither her or Bones really said anything for a while, despite the fact that a rowdy conversation was going on right beside them. In fact, the next thing that was said to them was a waiter coming in to tell them that dinner was ready, and they all began moving towards the table. She slid off her stool and waited for James to be by her side when she slowly interlaced her fingers with his, sending him a single look with her eyes that conveyed everything she was feeling at that moment.

They just stood there for a split second, hand in hand, eyes locked on each other before James' lips curled upward in a smile in comprehension of what she was saying, his eyes looking down to their hands briefly before back up at Penny's, a familiar fire burning in them. The same fire from before, the fire that made her heart skip a beat and her breath catch in her throat. She gently smiled back and then let go, the pair of them moving to the table without any acknowledgement to the full and complete conversation they'd just had between themselves without even saying a word.

**((Author's Note: Hey everyone! Sorry for the long wait, I've been perfecting this chapter for a while now because I really want to get this right. It's an important moment for them because they're finally introducing Jake to people and the dynamic of Pen/Jake's relationship changes with the Dad comment. Anyways, lemme know what you think, alright? Thanks for being awesome!))**


	12. Chapter 12

**Five Years  
**

Chapter Twelve

_Disclaimer:_ I do not own anything mentioned in the following fanfiction, except for the character of Penelope Richmond. She is of my own design.

* * *

"And here is to one final night of drunken mischief before we must resume our duties aboard the Enterprise!" Nyota declared as the group of them all raised the small shot glasses to the center in a cheer before throwing them back, Penelope making a sour face as soon as the liquid was swallowed.

They'd been at the club for over two hours now, drinking, talking, dancing, and laughing the night away. She'd forgotten how much fun it was to be young, and she'd forgotten how much she loved her friends. Dinner had been a joyous, extensive, fantastic affair. The crew had gotten to know Jake really well and they'd all taken a shining towards him, including Leo. They all caught up and Penelope was beginning to feel as if nothing had happened; as if they all hadn't just gotten back for a two week vacation from a five year mission. It was as if they were back at the Academy, except for the fact that she and James now had a kid.

The line to get into Galaxy had been ridiculously long, but Nyota had called ahead and gotten them on a list that allowed them to bypass it all, straight into the club and onto the top floor in the best booth in the house that over looked the entire club. She remembered the view as if it were a picture burned into her memory; there was no way she'd forget what it looked like standing against the balcony in front of their booth, looking down onto the dance floor. No way.

----------

"_Girl, you've got it bad," Nyota chimed from her side as she drew her eyes off the crowded dance floor beneath them, shooting her friend a curious look._

_They hadn't been friends for very long, really only making a bond in the past few months of their year together at the Academy. They clicked together though, like polar opposites. Nyota was outgoing and fiercely confident where Penny was introverted and hesitant, two adjectives that she would rather not describe herself with. Her friendship with Nyota was based on her self-improvement; Nyota was going to turn Penny into a confident woman if it killed her, and if the progress with which she was growing at was any indication, it very well may._

"_Don't give me that look, Penelope. You know exactly what I'm talking about," Nyota accused as the dark skinned beauty took a sip of the pink cocktail in her hand, Penny taking a swig from the water bottle in her own._

"_I actually don't, Ny, so why don't you enlighten me?" Penelope replied wittingly, raising her eyebrows in expectation as Nyota shot her a surprised look before turning to face her._

"_There's only one good reason why anyone who's as gorgeous as you are stands looking down at the dance floor of a club instead of being on it," Nyota said wisely as she rose her own eyebrows in expectation, Penny looking away guiltily. She knew where this was going._

_A bunch of the cadets were here at the club celebrating finishing their second term of their first year finals, revelling in the freedom the Academy gave them for a few days before returning back to school for another 6 months of gruelling training and instruction. Penny had grudgingly joined them after Nyota had waltzed into her room earlier, torn the book she'd been reading from her hands and tossed a dark purple dress at her along with a pair of heels, both items accompanied with the instruction to get ready because she was going out. She could have huffed and sighed and complained, but she knew better. She'd learned a long time ago that with Nyota, resistance was futile._

_So she'd gotten dressed in the, in her opinion, way too tight dark purple dress and strapped on the, in her opinion, way too high heels and surrendered herself to Nyota's capable hands. She emerged from her bathroom an hour later, her usually limp hair in bouncing curls and her usually makeup less face now all dolled up with eye shadow, mascara, bronzer and lip-gloss. She took one look in the mirror and almost gasped; for a Communications Officer in training, Nyota sure knew how to handle a curling iron. She almost didn't even recognize herself, which she didn't know whether or not was a bad thing. But when she saw the reactions of everyone they were going out with later that night, she knew it was a great thing._

_He'd sent her a message shortly before they left telling her that he was running late and that he'd meet them at the bar later. Her heart was telling her that he was probably caught up with school work or something important, but her head and subconscious was telling her that he was once again banging some random chick he'd just met. She tried to drown her head out by reciting the laws of thermodynamics and listing Newton's laws in broken Klingon. She didn't speak much of the language, but she'd learned how to say the laws after quizzing Nyota for an exam a few weeks back. Needless to say, within seconds of getting his message her mind was busily preoccupied on something else, keeping herself from thinking about just what exactly James was probably up to._

_So here she was now, standing on the balcony right in front of the best booth in the entire club where they were all holding court, her eye's raking the dance floor for his tell tale brassy blonde hair. Her stomach was in faint knots as she thought of all the million things he'd say to her once he saw her all dolled up. Would he like it? Would he hate it? Her heart had a sick, depraved fantasy that this make-over would make him want her, but her head chastised herself for wanting that; this look she had wasn't permanent. Tomorrow she'd go back to her normal messy waves and plain face and if that wasn't good enough for him, well then that was just too bad, she thought to herself. If only it was that easy._

"_I don't understand why you even have feelings for him. He's a filthy, disgusting animal," Nyota bit to her a second later with venom, Penny breaking herself out of her revere as she looked up at the Comm trainee with slightly critical eyes._

"_You don't know him like I do, Nyota," Penelope countered a second later, shaking her head once to make her point. She heard Nyota scoff almost instantly as she too shook her head, Nyota closing her eyes to rub them with her thumb and forefinger in an expression of tiredness._

"_God, If I had a dime," Nyota muttered eventually, giving a harsh laugh that seemed to prick Penny the wrong way._

"_I'm serious," Penny said defensively as Nyota looked up, determination in her eyes._

"_So am I. If I had a dime every time a girl said that, I'd be a very rich person," Nyota replied a second later, her words punctuated and definitive._

"_He's my best friend, Nyota. To you, he's just some random guy who hit on you a year ago and won't seem to stop trying to sleep with you just because he knows it gets a rise out of you. To me, he's the person that I turn to when I've had a shitty day or when everything's just going wrong. Trust me, you don't know him like I do," she explained after a few seconds of reflection, raising her eyebrows in expectation, hoping to make her point._

_She watched Nyota's critical dark eyes rake themselves over Penny's features as she tried to discern the genuineness of Penelope's words. She seemed to find them worthy because a second later, she looked away._

"_I don't think I'll ever understand, but regardless of it all, there is seriously no good reason for you to just be standing up here like a loser. So can you please come down to the dance floor with me and at least pretend to have a good time while you silent pine for him to get here?" Nyota whined as she grabbed Penny's forearm and started towards the stairs, the Comm trainee dragging the Engineering trainee behind her all the way down to the dance floor and to the circle of friends they came with._

_She danced with them for what seemed like hours until she excused herself to grab a bottle of water to cool down, mission her way to the bar and eventually perching herself on one of the bar stools as she brought her internal temperature back down to a manageable level._

"_Can I buy you a drink?"_

_She'd recognize that voice anywhere. She felt her stomach's knots grow tighter and her heart skip a beat as she contemplated her next move very carefully. He obviously hadn't seen her face yet or else he wouldn't have lead with that line. Or had he?_

"_Depends . . . ," she started as she flipped her hair over her shoulder to face him, watching his feature's pass from a gentle smile to confusion to realization._

"_Still want to?" she asked a second later after he realized just who he'd been hitting on, Penny giving a meek grin._

"_Penny? Is that you?" he asked as he squinted his eyes at her, his face serious. She gave a laugh and then nodded, holding her hands out the side a bit and giving them a wave in the traditional 'ta da!' sign._

"_In all of Nyota's hair and make up glory. What do you think?" she asked as she slid off the stool and gave a twirl, trying not to act as awkward and self conscious as she felt dressed in the dress and wearing the heels she was wearing._

_She watched his eyes drag themselves up and down her body, her own eyes catching a fleeting look of lustful hunger flash through his own as he eventually looked back up to her eyes. She didn't know whether or not she'd seen it right, but that quick look in his eyes was enough to send a shiver down her spine._

"_Penny, you look . . . wow. Purple is definitely your colour, and you should wear that dress everyday for the rest of your life," he teased as he looked down and up at her again, Penny watching as he eventually shook his head and gave a low whistle, looking away._

"_Stop it, you're making me blush!" she teased back as she hopped up on the stool to resume her position, finishing off her bottle of water._

"_I'm serious. You're kind of a babe, Pen. If you weren't my best friend I'd totally try and sleep with you," he replied in a half humourous, half serious tone, sending her another fiercely, fleeting lustful look. She felt a shiver go down her spine as she just looked at him, a faint smile playing on her lips before looking away, shaking away the dirty thoughts that were running through her mind._

_She couldn't have been looking away for very long, but when she looked back towards him a few seconds later, she found the spot vacated. Confusion passed over her for a few more seconds before her eyes swept the dance floor around her, finding him maybe ten feet down the bar chatting up a ditzy looking red head who was laughing daintily at whatever James was saying._

_She felt something sink down into her stomach as she watched them flirt, the elation she'd felt just moments ago already shrinking down into nothing. It was as if she'd lost or failed in some way; seeing him with the red head just did something to her. She slipped off the stool and headed back up stairs, resuming her position of leaning against the balcony, looking down into the dancing fray below her. She didn't belong down there. _

_----------_

She didn't realize it then, but when she thought about that moment now, she finally understood that it was at that exact instant when her relationship with James changed. She'd been trying to woo him and entice him to her for months, but seeing him move so quickly from her onto another woman dramatically changed the dynamic of her feelings for him, turning them from active to passive. She knew she couldn't turn off how she felt about him, but she could turn off what she did with them. She was perfectly content with being in love with him; what she wasn't content with was feeling the way she'd felt when she'd seen him move on so quickly. That kind of disappointment came only when you were dedicated to something, as she'd been with being with James. But all of that changed that day.

That was the day she resided herself to 2 more years of secretly being in love with her best friend and not doing a damn thing about it.

So as she stood there amongst her best friends thinking about that moment seven years ago, she couldn't help but acknowledge how much had changed since then. She'd been so timid back in school, so scared of getting hurt. Although she still wasn't that big of a fan of putting herself out there or going out on a limb, she knew a worthy cause when she saw one. And as she looked over at James who was chatting animatedly with Bones, she couldn't help but feel as if things were different this time around.

He was a different person than the man he'd left as five years ago. Before he was reckless, arrogant, and selfish. Now he was careful, compassionate, and giving, as shown every time he was around Jake. She'd fallen in love with his lesser side eight years ago, and it was as if every second she was falling deeper in love with him now.

She was caught in a stare a few minutes later, her eyes meeting James as he turned to look at her. She snapped out of her revere and watched him cock his head ever so slightly to the side, an amused look on his face.

"Were you just checking me out?" he asked as he took a step towards her, Penelope's cheeks immediately reddening.

"No," she replied as she slipped onto one of the bar stools and looked directly in front of her, adverting her eyes. She took a sip from the bottle of water she'd ordered and stayed still, feeling him sidle up beside her a second later.

She became all too aware of his proximity to her and almost stopped breathing as he leant forward into her, Penny feeling his breath on her neck almost immediately.

"Liar," he whispered in a low, husky voice.

She closed her eyes and suppressed the shiver going down her back, her heart skipping a beat and her internal temperature rising. She'd had enough of this; all night he'd be doing things to her. Gently running his fingers along her back, looking at her with fire in his eyes, drawing incoherent patterns on her thigh during dinner. As much as she loved it, she also hated it; these little things weren't helping the fact that she was in love with a man that was leaving for god knows how long in three days.

"Stop that," she growled as she jerked her head away from him, looking over at someone to her left.

"Stop what?" he replied a second later, his fingers beginning to ghost themselves across her bare back.

That's it. She'd had enough.

"That. The touching and the looks and the suggestiveness. Just stop," she said as she moved to get out of the stool and stood facing him, her face contorted in anger as she spun on her heel and headed out, needing to get some air.

She couldn't have been outside more than three seconds before she heard the door open behind her and his familiar scent fill her nose, the smell intoxicating.

"What's wrong, Penny?" he said in his clutch careful yet knowing tone, as if he already knew what was wrong and was just waiting for her to admit it. She spun to face him, finding and equally knowing look on his face as he watched her pace back and forth in the parking lot, trying to make sense of it all.

"Nothing's wrong. I just need you to stop all that," she said definitively in response, folding her arms over her chest in defence.

"Why?" James prodded, again in his knowing tone that was beginning to irritate her.

"Because you leave in three days!" Penelope cut back, finding her blood beginning to boil as he just stood there with his hands in his pockets, watching her squirm under the pressure he was putting on her.

"And?" he pressed further, inching her closer and closer to snapping. His tone was just so annoying.

"And I don't want to get attached!" she bit as she glared at him, infuriated by how he managed to get under her skin and into her head like none other.

"Too late for that, Pen, we already have a kid" he teased a second later, giving her a quiet smile before returning to his perceptive look.

"I don't want to get attached any more than I already am," she explained slowly, narrowing her eyes threateningly. She could tell that he knew exactly where this conversation was going and it angered her that he was going through all the motions instead of just cutting to the chase.

"And how attached are you?" he asked as he took a few steps to her until he was about two feet away from her, a faint smile playing on his lips.

"God, James, what the hell do you want from me?" she exasperated a second later, tired of playing his game. Her eyes pleaded with him to just get on with it but he was having none of that, taking a few quiet seconds to examine her before speaking.

"Did you have a crush on me when we were back at the Academy?" he asked abruptly, startling her in her spot.

"What?"

"Did you have feelings for me?" he repeated, her brain finally over the initial shock of his question. She stared at him blankly for a while and took in his face, acknowledging the notable lack of curiosity in his expression.

"Something tells me you already know the answer to that question," she bit back bitterly, glancing away. She felt as if she was thirteen again and standing in front of Jessie McKenzie, her grade school crush, as he called her out on her feelings for him. It was the exact same feeling; inexplicable embarrassment, cheeks burning, and her palms getting sweaty.

"I do. I knew back then that you had feelings for me, but I was young and horny, and you deserved better than what I was willing to give back then," he said as he gently raised his shoulders in a shrug, not making any attempt to make up for his past.

That was something else she both admired and loved about him; he knew exactly who he was and never tried to deny other wise. He had a faith and knowledge of himself that Penelope was just slowly beginning to develop in her self; the kind of unwavering trust in one's self that typically developed over time but James seemed to have since childhood. It was something she'd always appreciated about him, now more than ever.

"Your point?" she asked briskly, turning back to look at him as she folded her arms over her chest again, her eyes glaring.

"I guess my point is that a lot has changed since then, Penny. I've changed since then," he said as he looked down at his shoes, pulling a hand from his pocket as he scratched the back of his head in a tell tale sign of discomfort.

"I'm not following," she said, although her mind was already beginning to slowly piece things together. She came upon a conclusion that never in a million years she'd thought she'd come upon; was he really about to go where she thought he was going to go?

"About three years ago, the Enterprise was engaged by an armada of Klingon warbirds in the middle of the neutral zone. She was sustaining some pretty heavy damage, heavy enough that I was considering ordering a ship wide evacuation. I even cleared the bridge, it was that bad. And I still remember sitting there, in the Captain's chair, watching this amazing display of laser weaponry going on in front of me and all I could think about was you. The way you looked, the way you smelt, the way you made me laugh, the way you never moved an inch whenever I bunked with you at night," he said as he gave her a faint smile, her heart beginning to slowly quicken its pace.

She stayed silent as he took a few steps towards her until he was just a meter in front of her, his eyes locked on her's as he continued speaking.

"I couldn't for the life of me of me figure out why the hell in what I thought then would be my last moments, all I was thinking about was you. And then in a sudden moment of clarity, I realized that I'd been in love with you for a very, very long time. But I'd never really felt worthy of your love until that moment of realization, when I promised myself that if I got out of there alive, that I'd become someone I thought would deserve you. Would deserve your love," he said quietly as he continued to look into her eyes.

It was in that exact moment that Penny looked deep into his eyes and found his ever present guards around his soul gone; he was exposing his very core to her right now in an uncharacteristic moment of vulnerability. He'd never been good at talking about feelings and putting his heart on his sleeve and if she'd hadn't of believed his words, the fact that he was saying them would be convincing enough.

For a split second, she felt as if she were floating above the two of them watching the exchange happen from a bird's eye view. It was a completely out of body experience, standing in front of the man she'd been in love with for the better part of eight years admit to her that he'd loved her back then too but more than that, that he'd changed to become someone he thought she deserved. It was too surreal; this stuff just didn't happen in real life. This was her dream come true, in every sense. She felt as if her heart was about to explode in her chest.

Until reality set in.

There were hundreds of thousands of things she could have said in response to what he'd just admitted, but before she could even utter any of them, her hand had some things to say first.

It was swift, quick, and loud. Her hand rose and drew itself sharply across James' face, a loud smack echoing throughout the parking lot as his head jerked slightly to the side.

"Not the reaction I was going for . . . ," he muttered to himself as he slowly wheeled back to face her, bringing a hand to his face.

"How dare you!" she said in a low, quivering voice. She was shaking with rage as she stared at him, her eyes glassing over with tears of mixed emotions as she stared at him.

"Excuse me?" he asked as he lowered his hand, his face contorted in an expression of pure confusion.

"You're leaving for god knows how long in three fucking days, and you have the nerve to tell me that you love me? That you've always loved me? And knew all along that I have feelings for you? Where the hell do you get off thinking you can do something like that, James?" she asked in disbelief as the out of body feeling she'd been experiencing just minutes ago dissipating completely. She was now overwhelmed by the utter feeling of rage she was feeling at James telling her this with only three days left on Earth. Her heart was still beating fast and expanding exponentially at the news, but her head had taken control and was now ready to unleash hell at James for doing this to her.

Why would he do this to her? Her dream had just come true, but she only had three days to enjoy it. She could live with falling out of love with James after he leaves but now, knowing how he felt, it was going to make it that much harder for her to let him go. She wanted to stay with him forever now, to be with him every day, to wake up at his side, to be a real family for Jake; these were all possibilities now that they felt the same way about each other. But she wasn't going to get any of that, and that was the part that was just killing her.

"I just wanted to tell you before I left," he said slowly and quietly, obviously realizing just why Penny was so upset. His intentions had been pure and genuine, but still. What he'd said had complicated things to a whole new level.

"You shouldn't have," she replied quietly, her voice and body still shaking.

"We still have three days, Pen," he said, his words like a knife to her stomach as she closed her eyes and let the tears that had been welling there stream down her face. She opened her eyes a second later to see a pained expression on James' face as he watched the tears make tracks down her cheeks.

"No. We have three nights and two days before you zip back off in that ship of yours, probably never to be seen again!" she sniped back with intended venom, using the back of her hand to wipe away the stray tears.

"The Enterprise is scheduled to make another return to Earth in less than three years, and I don't even know if I'm going to be on it yet," he replied in a slightly raised tone, Penny watching the pain change to something mirroring faint frustration.

"Okay, this needs to end right now. James, you are getting back on the Enterprise, do you hear me? I teach Jake to always follow his heart and go after his dreams. What kind of example would you set if you don't do that? And besides, there are comm. uplinks to Earth every month at Starfleet. I'll arrange for you to talk to Jake monthly," she explained as she gestured with her hands, resting them eventually on her hips to emphasize her point.

"Stop telling me what the hell to do. I'll make that decision for myself, it's my life. God, Penny, I just spent the past three years changing myself into a good person, and this is what I get?" James blew eventually, throwing his hands up in frustration as he turned around, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I didn't ask you to change! You did that all on your own!" she shouted at him as she pointed with her finger towards him, a gesture that he mimicked a second later.

"Because of you! Because of you, Penny! I was tired of sleeping around and tired of feeling like I wasn't good enough to be with you. You are everything I've ever wanted, but I didn't want to be with you until I knew I was someone worthy. I wasn't back then, but I am now. God, is that so hard for you to understand?" he pleaded as he came back to her, standing just inches in front of her.

Once again, the weight of his words crashed down on her in their entirety. She was staring at him, looking right into his soul, as he once again let it all hang out for her. She could see into every corner of his soul just by looking into his eyes, something that she both loved and was scared of. She didn't want to enjoy the vulnerability he was showing her, because in three days, it wouldn't be there anymore.

He wouldn't be there anymore.

"I can't do this, James," she said as she turned to leave, her heart beating irregularly in her chest and her mind whirling with a thousand different thoughts, unable to process. For a ten minute conversation, eight years worth of emotions, feelings, and regrets just came pouring out in an avalanche of information that she just couldn't process at the moment.

"Just . . . do you still love me?" he called to her retreating form, halting her dead in her step.

She wheeled around slowly, her eyes glassing over again as she just looked at him for a few seconds, taking him in. She didn't need to think about it though; she'd had her answer to that question ever since he'd walked into her kitchen ten days ago.

"Yeah. Yeah, I do," she replied as she nodded her head, looking away a second later to keep the tears from falling.

"And you don't want to try?" he asked what seemed like an hour later, his words falling like bricks all over her body.

She looked back to him with a film of tears still over her eyes, taking in his pleading form as he stood with his hands in his pockets and a painful look on his face. She knew how bad her answer would probably hurt him, but the other option would hurt her even more in three days time. So, she sucked in a breath, gathered whatever courage she had left, and let it out.

"No."

**((Author's Note: So I know I'm like the worst person ever for not updating sooner but my life has just been absolutely crazy these past few weeks. Regardless, I hope you all can still enjoy this chapter. It took a while, but here it is. You all mean the world to me, and much love goes out to my beta Jess for spurring me on to write. Thanks everyone, hope you like it. ))**


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